


After the Fall

by Reikalady



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Post-Mass Effect 3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 04:46:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9702854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reikalady/pseuds/Reikalady
Summary: Can you ever successfully run away from yourself? Somewhat AU and will contain ME3 spoilers. Rated M for language and violence. Mirrored from FanFiction, currently on hiatus.





	1. The Return

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the controversy around the ending of ME3, but is not meant to be a protest. Just a random thought that resulted in a new storyline.

It was the raid that brought her back.

Later, much later, she appreciated the irony, given her history.

When the attack came she was sitting with three of the guys that worked at the spaceport docks, her only concern was how she was going to get through the rest of what was going to be an incredibly long day. Surrounding them were shipping containers of various sizes, scattered in disarray across most of the landing pad, courtesy of a lazy, disorganized cargo hauler who dumped his load and took off as quickly as possible. They'd spent the entire morning, and a large part of the afternoon, cleaning up the mess.

It looked like it was going to continue well on into the evening. Since this was on a good chunk of the small spaceport pad, they couldn't just leave it for the next day.

Now they were finally able to take a much needed food break to rest and catch their breath. As the four got settled in they all took turns cursing out the hauler who left the mess and the lazy slugs that had managed to find a way to avoid doing most of the work. All were doing their level best to ignore the fact that they were only halfway through sorting and moving the cargo to the appropriate holding facilities. They sat at a "table and benches" made of smaller containers that could support their weight and didn't contain anything that was considered important.

A long, resounding belch erupted from the burly man with wild, bushy, grizzled hair and beard that was seated to her right after he finished his bottle of cola in one drawn out gulp. She grinned as the other two men chuckled at the exaggerated sigh of relief. He wiped his mouth off on the back of one grimy sleeve and grinned back, "Ah that was good! Though I wish it were a beer. Or five."

"Aw shit, Mitch. Why'd you go and mention beer when it's gonna be hours 'fore we can get any?," mock whined the small wiry man seated on the opposite side of the makeshift table as he dug into his boxed lunch. With the food successfully extracted, he started to wolf it down.

"That's cause he's a prick, Ben. You should know that already ", the third man commented as he started on his food, eating a bit neater than the other two. He cast a sly look in her direction as she bit into her sandwich, "Ain't that right, Blue?"

She knew they called her Blue instead of her given name because of her eyes being an almost unnatural shade of cobalt blue combined with the way she dyed her shoulder length, shaggy hair an intense shade of electric blue. At least they didn't call her Azure, after being told by a friend in a previous life what that term meant to the Asari. For one, that was a "highfalutin" word, another was that they didn't have much to do with the Asari. Any non-human species really. There was the occasional volus merchant, or quarian pilgrim, but for the most part they mainly dealt with other humans.

The real reason that they'd never dream of using such a term, was that if they used such a derogatory word for her, she'd beat the living shit out of them. Which is what had happened to an idiot that tried to get overly "friendly" with her when she first arrived at Sanctum as a drifter looking for work. The arrival of the tramp freighter she'd worked on as temporary crew had been too late in the local evening to do anything except scrounge up some digs and grub. The digs had been easy enough to obtain, it was when she went seeking a bite to eat that she ran into trouble.

Well, trouble for others at any rate.

She'd entered a local bar and grill that she'd been told had something edible at decent rates. That was also where most of the local dockhands used as a watering hole after their shift was done for the day. Seeing a new, attractive woman (not beautiful though, her mouth was a little too wide and bottom heavy for her heart shaped face, and her nose a little long) entering alone gave some of them the mistaken impression that she'd be easy prey.

Despite being too thin, and not at her former combat readiness, she'd still proven more than a match for the drunken men who'd never had any training, only what they learned in dockside brawls.

Mitch was the one who'd been brave enough to approach her as she wiped the blood from her mouth, where a lucky punch had gotten her, he clapped her on the shoulder and grinned, "Good job, lass, buy ya a beer?"

That memory flashed through her mind as she deliberately took her time to chew and swallow, they were uneducated, rough men, but they'd proven themselves to be good friends in the past six months.

She smirked at them, "Takes one to know one. Or should I say it takes two?"

It was a measure of how tired they all were that they found that quip uproariously hilarious. Aaron's laughter faded as he stared at something over her head, then shaded his eyes against the lowering sun. "Looks like more shuttles, but I thought there weren't anyone else coming in?"

Ben shook his head, "Not that I know of at any rate. Let's check with Sandy, there might be an unscheduled visitor."

He flexed his left hand, causing his omnitool to activate, "Hey Sandy-boy, what gives with the shuttles?"

As he waited for an answer, Blue twisted around and shaded her eyes. And took in their shape. Combat cockroaches, shit. "Those aren't cargo haulers. And you probably won't get an answer from Sandy or any of the others in the comms towers."

Pale with fright, Ben stared at her, "How did you know I wouldn't get a response."

"Because those are combat shuttles, not cargo haulers. Which means they're likely jamming everything."

The shuttles slowly approached, apparently baffled by the lack of easy landing. Hoping that they were as well concealed by the freight as she thought they were, Blue thought over the situation furiously, trying to figure out how to get everyone out of this situation alive. Old instincts and training were waking up and without realizing it her posture and expression shifted slightly, but enough to make her three friends think that a completely different woman sat with them.

Pulling her hair out of her face with a tie, then pulling on her work gloves, she started to bark orders without thinking, "I want the three of you to go the comms tower, I think I might have some old programs that might help with the jamming. See if you can alert the settlements. And those scientists that are studying the icepack."

Now it was her turn to activate her omnitool and passed on the aforementioned programs to Aaron who was the most technically skilled of the three men. He froze, "What the hell are these, Blue?"

"Not now", she snapped. "You three need to get your asses moving."

"What about you?" Ben asked worriedly as he and Aaron scrambled to their feet, sending their meals scattering about. Aaron took one look at her and ran for the tower.

Calmly she got to her feet, "I'm going to see who our unexpected visitors are. Now you two need to get moving."

Ben gave her another frightened look and took off after Aaron, but Mitch just gave her a long look. "You're gonna need someone at yer back, ma'am. Been awhile since I served, but I figure I still know one end of an assault rifle from another."

It may have been three years since she last ordered anyone into combat, but that knowledge still stuck with her. Remembering the old saw about not giving orders that won't be obeyed, she just nodded, eyes watching one of the shuttles attempting to land nearby. It was clearly in disrepair, and filthy, so she couldn't see any identifying symbols, "All right. But you follow my orders, clear?"

"Yes ma'am!" He started to salute then stifled the gesture causing one corner of her mouth to lift up in a brief smile. Then she was all business as she heard the sound of the shuttle landing nearby. He frowned, "So how do you plan on stopping them if they are hostile?"

She clenched her right hand into a fist causing a nimbus of energy to form which quickly dissipated as she opened her hand. He blinked then whispered, "You're a biotic? That...explains a lot."

Blue had always taken pains to hide those abilities, but had used them in rare moments to help her job, usually a gentle pull to shift a stuck crate. Though there'd been a few times where an accident had occurred and fallen cargo would have to be taken off the hapless soul pinned by the heavy weight, she'd been the one to lever the container off her fellow worker. No one was quite sure how someone as thin as she managed to do so, but had attributed the feat to adrenaline. She mentally braced herself for fear, but he simply nodded to himself and gave her a speculative look.

Hearing heavy footfalls approaching, she gestured for him to stay put. Once she got his silent assent, she ghosted along the wall of large shipping container, timing her lighter steps to those of the one she was stalking. She saw the person before they registered her presence and she was grateful for that since surprise froze her momentarily. She recognized the bulky black and white armor with its yellow accent stripes. At least she recognized the lines of the armor, there was so much filth covering it that she was just going by memory of the actual colors. Then the person shifted and she saw the distinctive helmet with its red slits and knew her instincts were correct. Only the eye slits lacked their normal glow, instead flickering on and off as if they were damaged and never properly repaired.

Seeing that armor stirred up old, unpleasant memories. And even if the armor had been taken by someone else, she knew that anyone who was using it, and didn't properly care for their gear, was not going to be friendly. Especially with the comms being jammed.

Before the person in the Cerberus assault trooper armor could react, she lunged out from cover to drag him down then put her fist, its strength augmented by her biotic powers, through the helmet. Another flare of power and she shifted the body further back so they could grab the weapons. Seeing the revolting state of the M-25 Hornet SMG, she was grateful for her work gloves, and that she didn't necessarily need a gun to fight.

Unless of course there were mechs, something she wasn't going to think about.

Before he would accept the gun, Mitch pulled on his own gloves. When he checked its readiness, his face contorted in extreme disgust and muttered, "I guess it'll work for now."

She nodded her agreement to his unspoken comment about the state of the equipment. For all of the horrors they had perpetrated on humans and aliens, Cerberus agents were known for their military precision and care for their gear. It took a moment to locate the electrified baton an assault trooper normally carried, then she shuddered at the sight. If it even worked would amaze her and she wasn't about to trust her life to something like that. More than likely it'd probably fry her instead.

A crackle of static drew her attention, it sounded like the transceiver in the helmet. Gritting her teeth, she slid the faceplate open. They both gasped in revulsion as the stench of rotting flesh wafted out. Mitch gagged and walked away when he saw the state of the corpse within. She'd known Cerberus used Reapertech on their troops, so she'd been expecting something akin to a husk. But this... it looked more like a zombie out of a really bad horror vid, rather than the technological nightmare that a husk looked like. Or what she'd seen of Cerberus troopers back during the invasion.

Another burst of static reminded her of purpose. With a grimace she reached in and yanked out the transmitter, ignoring Mitch's gagging at her actions. This time there were some words in the crackle of static, but nothing that made sense.

Gruffly she spoke into the transmitter, "Too much interference."

"Cop-", the rest devolved into static.

"That should buy us a few minutes at least. Let's see if I can patch this into my omnitool."

Though he didn't say anything, Blue could feel him staring at her and she mentally cursed herself at falling into old habits so easily. Three years should have been enough to dull them, but then again she'd never been able to ignore her instincts. And most of her training had turned her skills into instinct.

It was far too easy to patch the frequency into the omnitool. They were still using the old Cerberus freqs which was troubling in a way. They were either a rogue unit, or some part of the true organization still existed, but as a shadow of itself. Though it seemed odd that the jamming would affect their communications also. She'd leave that mystery for later. If there was one.

Blue hoped that it was the former, but was prepared for the later, though she didn't know how she would deal with them. Damn those instincts. It was up to the Alliance, or the Council if it still existed, to deal with Cerberus. If they could be bothered. She regretted her bitterness as soon as she realized where her thoughts were going. By the few reports she bothered to listen to, the Alliance was still rebuilding Earth, like the Turians were rebuilding Palaven. What the Asari were doing with Thessia, she didn't know, since she didn't know if there was even enough left of Thessia to rebuild.

Heavy footsteps of multiple people drew her attention away from her momentary contemplation. She gestured for Mitch to remain where he was as she creeped forward. There were three more figures in the Cerberus trooper armor, they'd clumped together discussing the possible location of the one she killed.

Blue's lips pulled away from her teeth in a feral snarl as she clenched her hand causing a curtain of writhing, violet colored, biotic energy to collapse on them. It choked the life out of their bodies and their shields, the energy feeding her own defenses. They collapsed, no longer having the energy to remain standing. After scanning the area to make sure that there weren't anymore nearby, she nimbly leaped over the box.

Two of the troopers were still, her biotic attack had drained them of all life, though if they were in similar shape to the first one, there wasn't much life to drain. The third though...it was still squirming a bit. Picking up an SMG that had fallen from one of the dead troopers, Blue planted a foot on the chest of the still living one and shoved the muzzle into the face in an unspoken threat. Yes, her powers were deadly, but she knew that looking down the barrel of a gun was much more effective for intimidation.

"You", it gasped, "you're dead. Have been for three years."

Impatient, Blue exerted some pressure on the fallen trooper's chest, "I'm asking the questions here. What are you doing here?"

It writhed under the weight and gasped, "Need...blood."

It was a bad horror vid, thought not your typical one. Didn't zombies normally need brains or at least fresh human flesh? It was vampires that wanted blood. "What do you mean?"

There was a rattling wheeze then the figure stilled under her foot. She cursed softly under her breath, but not wanting to push her luck, she hurried back to Mitch after making sure to grab their spare thermal clips. "Let's get out of here."

"Thank god. Meeting up with the others?"

"Yeah, let's get moving before the rest of their buddies show up. Any word from Aaron or Ben?"

He shook his head, "It might take them a bit though."

She nodded grimly as the two ghosted their way through the fading light towards the comms tower. Seeing how Mitch moved told Blue a good bit, and she suspected her movements did the same for him. She'd suspected he was a former soldier, but had no proof until now. Her musing was broken by an incoming message via her omnitool. "Blue, ya there?"

A relieved smile broke across her features as she heard Aaron's voice and saw a similar one from Mitch, "We're here. On our way to you and the others."

"Good. We think we got warning out to folks, but there hasn't been any answers. There's also lots more of 'em shuttles and they ain't going to the port."

Great, just what she needed to hear, but she'd already figured that they wouldn't have limited themselves just to the spaceport. They may have been rotting Reapertech-zombies, but they still retained enough intelligence on how to conduct a raid. "Is there a secure location everyone can get to?"

She continued to keep alert as she approached the tower, Mitch off to the side helping sweep the area.

Over the comms she could hear Aaron scratch his head, "Well... them's researchers got their own hidey hole. Same with what miners are out there. And the settlement's got The Vault of course."

Right, how could she have forgotten? Anyone who spent any length of time at the settlement was told about the Vault in case of emergencies. Usually it was in case of severe weather since Sanctum was not exactly the friendliest garden world in the galaxy. But it was also just in case a raid occurred. Much like this one in fact.. A massive bunker that housed the sensitive generators and other machinery needed to run this little outpost of civilization, it also contained a section large enough to comfortably house the population long enough for help to arrive.

At least in theory.

It also stirred up other old memories of other colonies that were best forgotten.

"All right, we're just outside, let's meet at the motor pool so we can get out together."

"Yes'm!"

She could feel Mitch staring at her again. The ragged tail of her bright blue hair swayed as she shook her head, "This isn't the time or place."

"I didn't say anything."

"Uh huh, but I could feel your thinking."

There was a flash of a grin out of the corner of her eye. Slowly, carefully they made their way to the rear of the tower where the vehicles were kept. That there weren't any further hostiles appearing made her nervous. Usually the spaceport was the first place to be taken over under firm control. Despite the landing pad being a mess, there was still sufficient room for multiple shuttles to land, even if there wasn't enough room for an atmosphere-capable ship to land.

Finally they arrived at the motor pool where the other two were waiting for them nervously by a truck. Blue frowned, there should have been more people at the tower, though Ben and Aaron looked pale and scared. More so than before they headed off to free up the jamming. Before either could say anything she asked abruptly, "Where's everyone else?"

Ben shook his head, "Dunno, but it looks like they left in a hurry."

She and Mitch exchanged glances, but nothing else, not wanting to upset either of the other men. "Any word from the settlement?"

"Nope, but got word from an Alliance vessel, they should be here in a day."

Blue's forehead creased as she thought that over, what was an Alliance ship doing out here in the Terminus systems? Then shook her head, that'd be for later. If there was one. "Let's get going before more trouble than we can handle shows up."

She ignored the looks the men exchanged as she hopped up into the rear of the truck. In unspoken agreement, Aaron and Ben got into the cab while Mitch got into the rear with Blue. They were silent at first, tensely watching for trouble. Then Mitch cleared his throat awkwardly, "I won't say it. Though I've been thinking it. That goon recognized you too. Probably won't be long before some of the boys figure it out also..."

"And your point is?", she asked sharply.

"Not sure if there is one. Just guessing some of those rumors are true then."

"Depends on the rumor."

"That a certain war hero shows up to save some sorry butts when they least expect it then vanishes again."

A slight shrug was the only answer she gave. He nodded to himself, "And how long do you plan on running?"

"As long as I have to."

He grunted, "You never struck me as the sort who ran from something."

"I was in the habit of running toward trouble, figured I'd give a shot at running from it for once."

"Don't seem like you're doing too good at that."

"Yeah", she said sourly, "You'd think after three years I'd get the hang of it, but guess I need some more work on it."

Mitch gave her another thoughtful look, "I don't think you can run from yourself, ma'am."

She gave him an odd sidelong look, shrugged and didn't say anything further for most of the ride.


	2. Cry Havoc

The normally quick ride from the starport to the town seemed to take an eternity. It wasn't entirely due to the awkward silence between her and Mitch. It was because of the wire-taut nerves at the risk of detection by the hostile forces gathering in the area. The only reason she kept Aaron to the road was so that they wouldn't kick up a dust trail. And Blue wasn't entirely sure the truck was up to going off-road.

At least the Cerberus forces still seemed to be having problems with their jamming from what she could pick up via her omnitool. Blue thought they were a force of pirates that came across a cache of equipment, maybe an old base that hadn't been cleared out. Only there was one small detail.

The dying trooper recognized her.

Something that wouldn't have happened with someone who hadn't known her from...Before.

Hell, the men she worked with on a daily basis didn't recognize her. Except.. She mentally frowned. Mitch had twigged to who she really was as soon as she started giving orders. Orders she'd fully expected to be followed without question. The other two hadn't picked up on it, but then again they could be amazingly oblivious to things that anyone else would pick up on. Besides, they didn't have the training she had, or even Mitch, so they weren't used to trying to see past the surface of things. Granted she had no idea what the older man's service record was, however it was clear he was no stranger to a battlefield.

Any soldier knew that surviving a battlefield was as much situational awareness as much as skill and luck.

Judging by the surreptitious looks she was getting from Ben in the passenger seat, along with the seemingly animated conversation between him and Aaron, even the two Captains Oblivious were starting to get an idea of who she had been once upon a time.

Damn.

If she survived this, it meant she'd have to move on. Again. She'd gotten used to sleeping in the same bed, eating at the same places, seeing and working with the same people every day. She hadn't enjoyed moving on every two to three months. But she'd deal. After all, she was a survivor wasn't she?

Blue had survived far worse situations than this, knew she shouldn't have survived them to begin with. Yet she had survived, if only because she wouldn't let her opponents bring her down. But this one... this was bad. If she had a decent weapon, unlike the crappy Hornet she'd picked up, and more importantly a decent set of armor, she was positive the situation could be dealt with.

Maybe not easily, nothing was ever easy after all. And admittedly she'd be happy with just a decent set of armor. She used her powers almost as often as her gun, if not more so, after all.

But if wishes were ships, there'd be no room left in space.

Seeing that they were approaching the outskirts of the town, she thumped the roof of the cab to get Aaron's attention. She didn't want to risk the chance that the Cerberus forces might actually pick up the transmission if she tried the comms through her omnitool. She'd taken enough of a risk as it was at the spaceport, but she didn't have any other options at the time.

It was a really Bad Idea to rely on an enemy's incompetence.

When Ben peered up at her through the window, she gestured to pull over. He nodded then turned to Aaron. Apparently they understood since the vehicle started to slow to a crawl before pulling to the side. Blue tried not to wince as she saw just how little cover there was around the area. The native flora consisted of small scrubby brush that was barely worth dignifying with the description of vegetation. The few imported trees that were adapted to the environment were still small scrubby things themselves.

If there had ever been any rock formations worth anything, they were long gone from this part of the world.

As everyone got out of the truck, she surveyed the area through narrowed eyes. This was possibly one of the shittiest locations for a fight she could think. The not-so-buried professional soldier in her despised the idea of relying on the faulty sensors of the hostile troops. The thought of relying on her opponents' continued incompetence grated on her nerves. Unfortunately, that was all she had to work with at the moment.

Well, and three men who weren't in shape for combat, and only one of whom actually knew how to use a gun. Of course he was also in the worst shape of the lot. So she was going to have to do this alone. That quite frankly just sucked. But she didn't want Ben and Aaron near her with loaded guns, and she was afraid Mitch might have a heart attack if he had to deal with the stresses of prolonged combat.

Blue silently blew out her breath. Well then, she'd have to work with what little she had. After all, she was alive, reasonably healthy even if she wasn't in top fighting form, and not almost dead with her life flowing out with her blood. The knotted scar tissue the size of her fist ached at the memory of that particular injury.

"What's your orders, ma'am?" Mitch asked quietly.

"I want the three of you to remain on the edge of town to give a secure place for people to meet up before we push to the Vault." The sharp look she gave Mitch caused him to bite back the argument she could see brewing in his eyes. Aaron and Ben watched her with fear filled expressions. But the fear was also mixed with a hint of hope and more than just a hint of recognition.

Bile burned its way up her throat. She'd failed people as often as she saved them. Including too many dead friends. The former soldier didn't give any hint of her doubt. If they picked up on that then they'd rabbit. So instead she did as she always had done, gazed back at them with an air of utter confidence that her plan would succeed. If she could call the nebulous ideas she had as plans.

Who knew? That bluff often got her through some of those difficult situations she shouldn't have survived, maybe it'd work this time too.

"Mitch, you're the only one who also has combat training. And my apologies for the assumption, but I imagine it's been awhile since you've last seen combat."

He sighed resignedly, "You're right about that, ma'am."

She gripped his shoulder, "It doesn't mean you're down and out. Just that I have a few tricks you might not."

He rubbed the back of his hand against his mouth then nodded slowly, "Yeah, you do given the stunt back at the port."

He grip tightened a bit more before letting go, "I'll be as careful as I can be."

Mitch snorted, "Uh huh. Either way, good hunting, Co-" He coughed while the other two exchanged bewildered glances. "Blue."

Shaking her head slightly, she flashed them a slight grin before slipping off. Behind her, Aaron started to ask Mitch a barrage of questions with, "What the hell is going on with Blue?"

She was very glad to be out of earshot before she could hear Mitch's response.

Infiltration had never been her specialty, her abilities were better suited to more aggressive tactics, but that didn't mean she hadn't learned a thing or two during her years of service. With a surprising ease, she made her way to the buildings at the edge of town.

Of course, buildings was a generous term for the generic white blocks used by colonies to provide shelter for the settlers. Multiple blocks were put together for businesses that started up, such as the local bar and grill that she and her cronies from the docks went to for after work drinks. The reasons they were used were mainly that they were cheap to manufacture, and a little paint slapped on them allowed for customization. They weren't permanent structures though, which was because again they were cheap, and they also didn't allow permanent attachments the way a normal house would. Just in case, considering the hazards of colony life.

The further she went into the settlement, the more concerned Blue became. While it was small, there were a few hundred people living in the area and at this time of day there were usually people moving about as they headed home, or to a late shift at work, or one of the small businesses in the town. But there was no movement, no lights going on in the dusk of the late afternoon, early evening. And there was another cliche. It was just too damn quiet.

So when she heard the crackle of static, it sounded far closer than it actually was in the unnatural stillness.

As quietly as possible, she put her back against the wall of a nearby hab and slid to the corner, Hornet at the ready in one hand. The sight that greeted her when she peered around the edge made her forget about all caution.

Someone wearing the heavy armor of a Cerberus centurion towered over a kneeling woman, cowering behind her were two small children. Laid out on the ground beside her was a man wearing the gear of one of the local miners, either unconscious or dead. Despite her enhanced senses, Blue couldn't make out what was being said, but she could clearly see the woman tearfully shake her head.

Not pausing to think that the centurions usually weren't alone, the former soldier saw only red from pure fury. Giving voice to a rumbling snarl, she launched herself at the enemy. Her charge was enhanced by her biotic energies allowing her to slam into the unaware hostile.

Fuck, that hurt. Alot.

Now she understood why all those years ago her instructors told her to never charge like that without armor. But pain was an old, if unwelcome, companion that she had learned to endure. Before the centurion could shake off the momentary stun induced by her ambush, she gathered the energies of her barriers and finished off the centurion by pouring that explosion of power into the prone body.

Breathing heavily, grateful that with the reinforcements made to her bones she didn't break a rib or three with her stunt, Blue turned to the astonished woman. She ignored the throbbing ache that was her left shoulder.

Up close she recognized Anna Masterson, a woman who ran a small cafe for breakfast and lunch that Blue went to each workday morning for her daily dose of coffee, as well as breakfast. She'd faced enough bad coffee and food during her time in the Alliance, she certainly didn't want to face her own lack of cooking skills. So Anna's cafe was a godsend for the mornings. The two had struck it off right away, probably because of her appreciation for Anna's cooking, and Blue had appreciated the growing friendship. Trying to seem as nonthreatening as possible, she approached her dazed friend.

Anna stared at her as if she'd never seen Blue before, her handsome face hollowed by fear and her dusky skin pale from the same she hesitantly asked, "B-b-blue?"

Blue reached down to help Anna to her feet who immediately began to check on her two boys, both of them shell-shocked into impassivity. While Anna was occupied with the children, Blue checked on Derrick, Anna's husband, and saw all that she needed to see. At least no one had been drawn to the brief commotion.

Very gently, but no less urgently, Blue said, "Anna, you need to get you and your kids out of here."

"What about Derrick?"

Blue looked away, she hated being the one to tell that kind of bad news, but her expression said everything that needed to be said. The trickle of tears down Anna's cheeks became a flood, but she didn't give voice to her grief. Grimly she nodded before she gathered up the boys. Uncomfortable, she shrugged, and her shoulder twinged even more, she'd pay for the unarmored charge in the morning.

If there was one.

Throttling that thought, she kept to the matter at hand, "Mitch and a couple of the others from the docks are just outside of town. You should meet up with them, they're trying to setup a semi safe area."

Anna nodded, wiped her nose against the sleeve of her shirt then frowned, "What about you?"

Blue leaned down to pick up the assault rifle the dead Cerberus squad leader had been carrying. She spoke as she inspected it for any further damage, "I'm going to clear a path to the Vault."

While Blue activated her incendiary ammo mod on the gun with a sense of terrible satisfaction, Anna studied her as if seeing Blue for the first time. She nodded jerkily as she hoisted the smaller of the two kids to her hip, then grabbed the hand of the other, "Good speed, Blue."

"Thanks, just be careful. I don't know how many patrols they've got in the area."

Another jerky nod, "I think you're the one who should be careful, but I will be. And..thank you. You saved my boys lives."

Not knowing what to say, Blue simply nodded. Once the traumatized mother and children were out of sight, she quietly murmured to the dead husband and father, "I will make them all pay for this."

Cerberus she would always persecute with no hesitation. Unlike some of her former enemies, she had no desire to try to understand them and make them into allies.

One final check to make sure that she wasn't going to be walking into an ambush, she resumed her cautious exploration of the town, heading towards the center.

As she went on her way, she saw further signs of violence: broken windows, walls pockmarked from bullets of various calibers. Thankfully no signs of heavy weapons. Yet. At first there were the odd splashes of blood, but no bodies.

The first casualties she found consisted of a man who appeared to have died trying to protect his little girl. The only reason why she figured out there was a child, let alone a girl, was the small, tattered dress laying in a pool of blood and other...organic matter. With the dress was a much abused teddy bear, one whose original coloration couldn't be determined.

Her head swam from the sheer hate that overwhelmed her. She sucked in a deep breath, then slowly exhaled. That cycle repeated itself as an old meditation technique that had been taught when she was still learning how to control her powers. Once the hate and rage were back under wraps, she resumed her search for the missing colonists.

Fortunately, she did find them at the center of town.

Unfortunately, what looked to be a squad or two of Cerberus troops were keeping them under guard. She frowned to herself as she studied the situation where she'd hidden herself in a shattered home. She was having a very difficult time keeping her emotions under control, she'd seen similar sights too many times in the past when dealing with Cerberus.

Rogue units during the Reaper invasion? Yeah, right.

Only... something was off about the situation. Sure the goons were armed, but there were far more colonists than Cerberus troops. Besides, they were a tough lot, they had to be to eke out a living on such a barren world like Sanctum. She couldn't see them giving in so easily.

In the distance thunder boomed and the ground trembled.

Without thinking about it, she flung herself face down on the floor, ignoring the sharp bits of broken window covering the floor and hoped like hell that she wasn't detected. That the jamming was still affecting their sensors, otherwise she was dead.

The thunder grew louder and the floor beneath her started to rock while the few shelves with theirs odds and ends started to crash down around her. Over top the the thunder came a juddering, clanking sound and the squeal of gears that hadn't been cared for properly.

As the Cerberus Atlas came to a rest outside of her refuge, Blue went very, very still. There was a rusty squeal as the canopy opened. The pilot grumbled, "I thought the jamming was supposed to just affect them, not us too?"

A gruff voice replied, "And you know we don't have any trained engineers at the moment who can run it at the moment."

An unintelligible mumble. The gruff voice growled, "That's a moot point. Did you find anything on your patrol?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to find anything when the damn sensors aren't working?"

A single shot from a Mattock was the reply. The gruff voice yelled out, "Jones! You just got promoted, don't do anything stupid. Get out on patrol and find the stragglers from the spaceport!"

"Yes, sir!"

Blue grimaced to herself, regretting that she hadn't hid the bodies of the Cerberus troops she'd killed, but there hadn't been time. Of course, there were likely other members of that squad that would've noticed some of their people were missing, even if the bodies had been hidden.

On the plus side, the three men had found a way to hide themselves. Or the deceased pilot of the Atlas was a blind idiot who couldn't see past his nose. Judging from his comments before his summary execution, that was quite likely.

Regardless of how that happened, she had a good idea of what they were dealing with. The mech complicated things, but since there were no engineers, there was a good chance there wouldn't be any nemesis snipers or phantoms, both of whom needed the advanced technical support of good engineers. And probably not just engineers, but good physicians to help maintain their implants.

If the rest of the troops were in the same shape as the ones she killed earlier, it was quite likely their implants went, taking out the people they were in.

As the mech began to move off at the direction of its new operator, Blue took a chance to get a quick look at the mechanical monster. It was in as bad of shape as the other equipment she'd seen of this group of Cerberus. Including a very noticeable crack running through the canopy.

Feeling more vulnerable than ever, Blue carefully slipped away from the window then eeled her way along the back alleys in the hopes of eventually linking back up with Mitch and the others. A flash of movement that wasn't grimy white caught the corner of her eye. As quietly as she could, she slowly made her way to what drew her attention. When she caught up to it, she paused and asked in surprise, "Griff?"

Griffin "Griff" Jamerson, a man who had been badly scarred in combat and one of the local troops who acted as a peacekeeper, literally jumped. When he landed he had his standard issue Avenger aimed at Blue who wisely kept her battered Mattock lowered. It a took long moment for him to recognize her, but she was glad he didn't shoot right away. Finally he lowered his gun and shook his head, "Christ on a crutch, Blue, why the hell did you sneak up on me like that?"

"I didn't know who you were."

Both looked around the area, just in case, and Griff rubbed the back of his head, "Yeah, you have a point there. Let's get out of here so we can talk."

"I hope you've got a secure spot in mind."

"We've got a backup armory setup for situations similar to this."

She nodded, while they wouldn't have expected Cerberus, there were still pirates who raided small colonies for slaves and supplies. As they walked, Griff studied the slightly bloody scrapes on her face and arms from landing on the broken bits of glass. "I'm pretty sure we still have medigel stocked up in there too. You probably want those cuts looked at."

The last thing she wanted was for anyone to do a genescan on her, that would really blow this cover and make it far easier for her to be tracked down. Besides, it would be a waste of good gel to use on scrapes. Ignoring the throbbing in her shoulder, she replied, "Best to save it. A few minor scrapes aren't going to slow me down."

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye and grunted, "Suit yourself."

Without thinking, Blue fell into her old training of covering their back while Griff lead the way. He kept looking at her speculatively before finally asking, "You've obviously taken one of them out. Maybe more considering what I've heard while doing recon. So the real question is...why?"

"I can't stay out of trouble?"

"Right. This coming from the woman who has managed to keep her rough'n'tumble folks from the spaceport out of trouble." It was the fact that she kept not only her nose clean, but kept the rest of her cronies from getting into brawls that ended his initial suspicions of her. She couldn't blame him, most drifters tended to be trouble. She just wanted a place to live out her life. That attitude had been clear from the beginning, so while they were never friends, they were at least semi-friendly acquaintances.

At least it was Griff and not that asshole Jeffers, one of the other local peacekeepers. He never gave up his suspicions about Blue, especially given the fact she was the only woman doing manual work at the port's docks. Griff, she could work. Jeffers... Well, she wouldn't think about what she would have done if she'd encountered him alone.

The pain in her shoulder kept her from shrugging as she replied, "Guess there's some kinds of trouble I can't resist."

"Now that, I can believe. Ah, good. Here we are, get in quick."

She followed his directions and slid inside the barely opened door. As he closed it and re-engaged the security devices, she looked around curiously. He grunted, "Go ahead and arm yourself. God only knows how you managed to live this long as you are."

Her lips twisted in a wry smile, "Wouldn't be the first time I found myself in a situation like that."

Griff turned and stared at her, then shook his head, "Somehow that doesn't surprise me. And get going on gearing up, we can chat while you do so."

She didn't salute, but said crisply, "Yes, sir!"

He snorted and as she turned away to take stock, she heard him mutter, "And I get the feeling that should be the other way around."

Blue was impressed at what was considered the backup armory. It contained basic armor and weapons, but they were well maintained. One of the suits was even optimized for a biotic, including a Mnemonic Visor. Seeing that brought back more of those painful memories she tried burying these past years, and even more of the soldier she used to be woke up.

Most biotics with her training always favored the heavier style of armor, not only did it provide better protection, it also reinforced their melee attacks. Nothing like a few extra kilos of solid weight to make a charge into something akin to getting hit by a train. However she hated how restrictive they felt outside of a charge, a now lost friend had commented about needing to be able to feel what he was doing while piloting and how armor restricted that. She'd felt the same way, so favored the lighter armors that allowed that mobility.

Her musing was interrupted by Griff, "I didn't know you were a biotic."

"A girl's gotta have some secrets", she tried deflecting with a touch of humor. This was probably the most minor secret she had. He didn't say anything as she pulled on the armor, leaving the visor for last. It was as she was plugging in the visor into the rest of the armor's systems that she got a glimpse of herself in a small, dirty mirror that someone had put up on the wall and her gut clenched.

"Holy fuck", Griff whispered behind her, echoing her mental curse.

Her hair was now long, shaggy and a bright electric blue, so different from the carefully cut asymmetrical style she had favored, not to mention a much more lurid color than the steel blue-gray she'd had used what seemed like another lifetime ago. Her face was thinner, more drawn than it had been, but despite those differences, there was no mistaking the soldier she'd once been.

"Just don't go there, Griff. I'm just Blue now."

She braced herself for the flood of questions that always came when some circumstance blew the cover she'd been hiding under. Instead he just gave her a measuring look, then went back to his gear, "Considering the burden they put you under, I can't say that I blame you. That you still try to save people, well, that says alot about who you are."

It was the first time someone had sounded even vaguely understanding, but she didn't like the hint of admiration in his voice at the end. If he only knew everything, he likely would've shot her by now. And she wasn't entirely certain she'd tried to stop him either. But that was for later, she had more immediate concerns to deal with.

She asked a little hopefully, "I don't suppose you know how to short out shielding?"

"Heh, you think I've got the brains to be a combat engineer?"

"Sure, why not?"

He shook his head, "Well, the answer to that is no. You were thinking of taking out the shields on that mech?"

"Yeah, I was. Guess it's Plan B after all."

"I'm afraid to know what that involves."

She gave him a crooked smile, "Doing what everyone accuses me of doing all the time. Blow the damn thing to hell."


	3. Ghosts of the Past

Crouched behind a massive pile of crushed rock (the little part of her mind that was overly fond of useless trivia said it was called overburden, because it was meant to backfill the mine once it was played out), Blue really hoped that this trap would work. Griff and she had sent boosted messages to each other about meeting at the mine, acting as if there was no possible way that the quick spurts would be picked up. There was so much that could wrong with the plan. Like the fact that it wouldn't be the mech that showed, just a few troopers.

Or it could be the mech along with all the rest of the Cerberus troops that were in the area. The downside to that little scenario was that it wouldn't take very long for their enemies to wipe them out if they got caught.

The upside was that it'd give the colonists a chance to get away.

Despite the darkness that was gathering as late afternoon turned into true evening, she could see that Griff was just as tense behind his pile of overburden.

If the conversation she heard in town played out the way she thought it would, it was likely they'd only see the mech. She suspected they didn't have quite the number of forces they once would have been able to call on.

In the distance thunder rumbled under a still clear sky.

As it grew closer, she could see that luck was still on their side, which only made her even more nervous. The mech had come, and without any support that she could. Griff shook his head as she looked over at him, indicating he didn't see anything else. She nodded in response then both readied their guns as the mech drew closer.

Just before where they had planted the explosives intended to take out the war machine, it stopped. The torso swiveled, apparently their amplified jamming was working since it seemed as if the pilot was trying to survey the area visually. The torso moved back into a forward facing position. It sat there for a few moments, and Blue wished she could find out what was going through the pilot's head.

It soon became obvious as the entire machine started to turn around and head back in the direction it came from.

Oh for the love of... she started to think in disbelief as she watched the mech starting to move off.

The two would be ambushers exchanged quick glances at one another. He shrugged slightly as if to say "What can we do?"

Not letting herself think about what exactly she was going to do, Blue popped out from around the pile of rocks, fired off a shot at the retreating mech as she yelled, "Hey shit for brains! We're over here!"

There was a faint popping sound from where her round connected, and not as smoothly as before, the mech jerked to a stop and started to turn towards her. Using a trick she'd learned from an Asari biotic, she used her biotics to charge away from the mech as it fired a missile in her direction. The missile flew astray and blew apart a smaller pile of rock far to the side of Griff. They both still got spattered by small bits of stone.

With the tortured squeal of metal on metal, and a bit of smoke, the Atlas turned around at a surprising speed for its condition, clearly intent on pursuing the foolish woman that fired at it.

Blue didn't dare look back as she kept going as fast as she could. However the massive explosion behind her told her all that she needed to know. Even though there was a good bit of distance between her location and the machine, she was showered by debris.

Panting, she turned to survey her handiwork as Griff cautiously came out from under cover to do the same.

To see that there wasn't a flaming wreck at all. The damn thing was still standing, albeit there was more smoke and visible sparks of electricity. It was still functioning in a fashion, proven by the fact the arm containing the cannon slowly raised into a firing position.

It's shields were down though, and the crack in the canopy was now an outright chasm. Griif took the opportunity to get off a couple of bursts of fire into the gap. The mech slumped with its pilot. There was a disturbing lack of blood spray inside the cockpit. Even accounting for the fact it was night.

With her assault rifle at the ready, Blue slowly advanced on the mech, Griff covering the area. Once there, and making sure there wasn't any other hostiles nearby, she set the gun to her back to check to see if the machine was still usable. With the ease of old habit, she popped the latch securing the canopy to the rest of the mech, then pulled out the corpse of the pilot. She hopped in and began to run the diagnostic program to see just how bad of shape the machine was in.

"Well?" Griff asked as he continued to remain on guard.

"It's still vaguely functional. I think it'll last long enough for what we need it to do. I'm going to run its self repair to see if the shields at least will come back up. Hopefully it won't take too long."

Leaving the hatch open, she got back down and looked thoughtfully at the corpse that was laying at her feet. Griff watched her, with his helmet on, she couldn't tell what exactly he was thinking since his body language was carefully neutral. "So what is your plan, Blue?"

"Use the mech to distract the Cerberus troops long enough to get the colonists to the Vault."

While he thought that over, she rolled the corpse over on its back to crack open the armor. Since there was some time for the repair to work, she wanted to see if she could get an idea of what was going on with the whole rotting, vampire-cyberzomie thing.

The stench that wafted out of the armor made her seriously regret indulging her curiosity. Waving one hand in front of her face in a futile effort to clear the air, she tried not to gag. Griff shook his head, "Do I want to know what you're doing now?"

"Thought I'd run some tests on our dead friend here. See what the hell is going on with them."

He peered over her shoulder, "Good god, is that thing even human?"

That was a good question. She'd seen her share of fresh bodies, and not so fresh, in her time. This looked like a cross between advanced decomp and a Reaper husk. Having seen plenty of dead husks in addition to various flesh and blood corpses, she knew they didn't rot like this either. Calling up an old diagnostic utility an old doctor friend of hers had given her, another memory that made her chest ache from the emotional pain, she scanned the body with her omnitool.

Frowning, she ran it a second time. Then a third.

"Somehow whatever you're getting isn't going to change", came the comment from the peanut gallery.

"Well, I suppose not, but this shouldn't be possible. The scan is picking up that he was both rotting, yet somehow still alive."

"Ugh. Looks like he's got some reaper tech him."

Blue sighed, "Yeah, he would. Towards the end of the invasion because they were running out of trained troops. Mainly from combat, but also a surprising number of defections, they started grabbing people then indoctrinating them and implanting reaper tech for instant shock troops."

"Fuck! So the rumors were true about that then."

"God, I wish they had been rumors. No, it was all too true. According to the scan, something started going haywire with the nanites from the Reapertech. No idea how long that's been going on."

"So that's why they're grabbing the colonists? More troops? Why, when The Illusive Man is dead and Cerberus had its teeth pulled?"

How did she explain to him something that sounded like it was out of an even worse horror vid than what she already told him?

"Blue?"

She sighed again, "You're not going to believe this."

"Oh, I dunno, seeing what happened to that poor bastard is inclined to make me believe just about anything."

"Right. Don't say I didn't warn you." She sucked in a deep breath and let it out again, "It looks like they need blood infusions."

"That makes a disturbing amount of sense. Really gross and definitely something from a bad horror flick, but seeing the shape this guy is in..."

"Yeah." Before they could dwell any further on the matter, a beep and a computerized voice announced the diagnostic and self repair was done. Glad for the distraction, she went over to the Atlas to see what the verdict was. Not good, but not horrible either. Good for one last use after all.

"So...do you mind playing bait?"

He snorted, "In that thing?"

"Yeah. I work better unencumbered."

"I'm going to be good and not say what I'm thinking."

For the first time since the day started off with a such bad start and just got worse, she actually grinned. The expression changed her from merely attractive to stunning, "I can imagine. And thank you for sparing me from your wit."

His voice was a bit more serious, "So, I go in, distract them with their own mech, you pick them off?"

"I'm hoping for more than just distraction, you have seen what these things can do, right?"

"You do have a point there. So we go in, guns blazing, take out enough troops for the people to make a run for it to the Vault. What then?"

"Supposedly there's an Alliance ship in the area that's on its way. Even if there isn't, there should be a distress beacon. Most shelters like that have at least one."

"Yeah. We also have far less people than the thing was rated for, so if we need to wait it out for a bit, we've got the supplies to do that." He tilted his head slightly and she could hear the smirk in his voice, "Certainly a better situation than Elysium."

She ignored his verbal jab, "I'm not sure what kind of numbers they've got. Hopefully not too much more than what we saw earlier."

"Right. Well, here goes." He slung his gun to his back before clambering up into the cockpit. He studied the controls for a moment, "Seems simple enough to operate."

"They are. As much as I hate Cerberus for what they've done, they do know how to build top notch tech."

"No kidding, pity they're insane."

"Right about now, I think a pot is calling your name."

He gave voice to a harsh bark of laughter, "Somehow I doubt I'm alone."

"Of course not. If I were sane, I wouldn't be in this situation."

"I suppose."

There was a moment of awkward silence, Blue rubbed her forehead above the visor, "Is there a radio in there? If so, maybe you should try giving them some sort of sitrep so they can expect the rather ragged condition their mech will be returning in."

"Honestly, I'm hoping this sorry bucket of bolts will make it, but I'll try to downplay the damage."

It was a moot point as the static crackled in response to his attempt. "Good tech, huh?"

"Sure, the tech's solid, look at where you're sitting now. The programming? Not so much."

He just shook his head as he fired up the Atlas, "Since I know you'll be able to catch up to me in the car, I'm going to get going before it does fall apart."

"Will do." She watched him carefully navigate around the small crater that had been made by their trap. Once he was far enough away, and making sure she wasn't transmitting, looked up at the night sky, "God, if you are out there. How do I keep getting into this shit?"

Shaking her head at herself, she policed the area quickly and efficiently to make sure there wasn't any leftover explosives. Satisfied it'd all been detonated in the blast, she got into the car they used to get to this location and started it up. At that moment she missed even the Hammerhead, even if it felt like a flying eggshell compared to the Mako, this thing didn't even have rudimentary shields. And weapons? Ha! Damn civvie vees.

It did have speed and decent handling at least, since she soon did catch up to Griff in the damaged Atlas. Seeing the increased amounts of sparking from the thing, not to mention thick plumes of smoke, Blue really did wonder if the thing was going to make it.

Yet somehow it did.

While she parked a distance away, hoping that their sensors were still being affected by the weird jamming, Griff kept the mech lurching on its way. By the time it settled to a stop, she had been able to move in close enough to strike.

Except, the Centurion that seemed to be in charge didn't notice that it wasn't the trooper that had been sent earlier. In a gruff, sarcastic tone, he asked, "Sure you couldn't do any more damage?"

"What can I say? They got some lucky shots in."

The Centurion grunted, "Better hope for your sake the old base has the repair facilities we need. Otherwise you're gonna end up in the labs."

"Somehow, I suspect that's the least of my problems", Griff said dryly as he used the claw of the Atlas to grab the unsuspecting Cerberus soldier and throw him at a nearby trooper. Taking that as her signal, Blue launched herself at another trooper. Having armor, no matter how light, made a big difference since her shoulder didn't feel like it was going to come out of its socket like it did with her earlier charge. From then on it became a frenzy of gunfire, flashes of biotic energy as she not just charged into her enemies and blowing the energies in her barriers to blast back those close enough to be affected by such. In between she drained the lives and defenses of her enemies to boost her own.

Those out of her immediate reach found themselves airborne and excellent, if screaming, targets.

Even though it was badly damaged, the mech made a difference in their frantic fight. While Griff didn't dare use any missiles for fear of getting innocent civilians, he made excellent use of the claw and machine gun. Mindful of how he took out the original pilot, he made sure to keep moving so that the hostile forces would have a difficult time of targeting the gap in the canopy of the cockpit.

What turned the tide in their favor was that some of the colonists picked up the guns of the fallen Cerberus troops and used them against their captors. While there were misfires from the badly maintained weapons, none blew up in the faces of the new owners.

Limping from pulling something in her last charge, and trying to ignore the blood flowing from a half dozen minor wounds, Blue took stock of the situation. There were shocked murmurs as some of the colonists closest to her took in her appearance, those that knew her from the docks were especially stunned. She ignored the comments, and said in her best battlefield shout, "All right people, let's move! Get to the Vault while we still can!"

With Griff in the still barely functioning Atlas, and the handful of civvies with guns, acting as sheepdogs, the crowd began to make their way to the shelter in a surprisingly organized manner. As she activated the comms in her omnitool, Blue reflected that sometimes shock worked in her favor. "Mitch?"

"Yes, ma'am?" At least that's what she thought he said with the crackling static still gumming up the comms.

"Get moving, we've got the way clear for now." She hoped he got enough of her message to do as she said. Hoped he understood what she was saying.

The only answer she got in reply was more static.

Trying not to worry too much about Anna and her kids, not to mention Mitch and the guys, Blue took up the rear position of the mass exodus to the Vault. Which was a short trip, thankfully. Throughout that time, Blue worried constantly when the other shoe was going to drop. This had been all too easy.

None of her missions had ever been easy, there was always some sort of complication.

Somehow they managed to get their herd of scared and confused civvies to their destination without incident. Which played even more hell on Blue's nerves. As the tail end of the colonists began to make their way through the airlock-style entrance of the shelter, Mitch showed up with not just Anna and her two kids, but Aaron and Ben as well.

Blue couldn't hide her relief at seeing the lot of them and her smile reflected that. Mitch grinned in return as he stopped before her as his little group merged with the larger. She tried to ignore the wide-eyed doubletakes from the other three adults, and their whispered comments about who they thought she was. Her attention was drawn back to Mitch as he genially clapped her shoulder. Thankfully it was the right one, since the left had started to painfully protest the abuse it'd taken earlier. "You certainly lived up to your reputation... Blue."

"I had good help."

"Yep, not denyin' that. I bet you were the one who came up with the mad scheme to rescue everyone."

Why did they always make her out to be the big hero? She sighed, "Mitch..."

He smirked at her, "I may not have known you when you still served, but you were always the woman with a plan on the docks when shit happened."

She just shook her head, not wanting to waste time arguing. For a moment she debated with herself if she was going to ask the favor she wanted to, then decided she needed to. She'd put this last finished bit of business off for too long.

"Mitch, I've got a favor to ask."

"Yes."

She stared at him through her visor, "You don't even know what I'm going to ask."

He grinned, "I know you, Blue, whatever name you use. Just from working with you these past few months I know that you're not the type to ask for unreasonable things."

That flummoxed her a bit, "Well, thank you."

She fished out a small wrapped bundle from the inside of her armor, she'd had it with her for the past three years. That bundle, and her omnitool, were the only physical reminders she had of her life as a soldier. Other than the scars that decorated her hide. If anyone opened the soft wrapping, they'd see an oddly sinuous rhomboid stone of gleaming black with a gleaming tracery of light. As far as she knew, there only two other people in the galaxy that might be able to activate it, one she had a feeling had died. The other, she hoped was still alive and would know how to use it.

Things had been going too well, she had a feeling that it wasn't going to last much longer. Either way this current life was about to end in blood and flames and she didn't want anymore ties to the woman she had been once. She had a feeling if she had sent this package on before this, it could've been used to track her down.

In the distance, she saw lights flare in the sky.

"I want you to send this to an Asari archeologist."

He blinked at her in surprise. This time a ghost of a smile crossed her face at his reaction. "Her name is Dr. Liara T'soni. I'm not sure where she's based these days, or if she's even alive, but I think she'd find this an interesting trinket."

"Blue, you should be the one to give this to her."

She shook her head, the lights were growing closer, "We don't have time to argue. Take it and go."

He hesitated, behind him the last of the civvies had cycled into the shelter. She gave him a gentle push, ignoring the twinge in her left arm as she did so, "Go. That's an order, soldier."

He straightened, slung the SMG he was carrying to his side, then saluted her with the bundle in the other hand. She saluted back wordlessly and he somberly walked into the entrance with the last of the self appointed guards.

Griff walked up to her, held out his hand as he started to speak. Bullets whizzed through the air between them, causing them both to dive out of the way. Blue winced as her left shoulder screamed in agony. Without thinking she sent a blast wave of energy at the nearest trooper that had been shooting as he dropped down from a shuttle. It sent him flying into his squad, knocking them all down.

Hearing the sounds of a shorted electrical system, she glanced over to the side to see the outer door to the shelter jammed open, a red error icon flashing in the center. "Get going Griff, the door only needs one person to guard it. And I might be able to get it to close from the outside."

He hesitated, she gave him a hard shove with her right hand, the left was in too much pain to use. "Go, damn you!"

To be honest, she wasn't even sure if the inner door would open to let him in, but it did. Gritting her teeth against the pain, she triggered her omnitool to make sure the inner door was going to remain closed. Satisfied that the lockdown procedures were starting, she braced herself against the outer door. She just needed to buy enough time for the lockdown to complete and hope they were enough to keep everyone inside protected.

Now she used the small store of medigel that Griff had given her, it wasn't enough to repair all the damage, but it did at least numb the searing agony that had been racing down her left arm. If she survived, she was really going to pay for the abuse.

Grimly, she settled in for a fight, belatedly realizing that she hadn't fully stocked up on clips. So she would make every shot count, then she'd be down to just her powers. Which she knew was going to have their own price in addition to what she'd done to her shoulder. She hadn't use them this much in years, and hadn't taken the time to do anymore than scarf down a granola bar and an energy drink.

More bullets screamed through the air, but took out the hostiles approaching her position, and weren't directed at her. She frowned a little as she tried to see who her unlikely ally was, but could only see shadowy figures.

It was the phantom in the sky that distracted her. A painfully familiar profile of a sleek form in silver black flew overhead. Blue suddenly remembered an old Earth religion that believed that winged, female spirits known as Valkyries would gather the worthy dead from battlefields at their moment of passing.

Given that they'd died together once, it was fitting that would be the form her personal Valkyrie would take.

That moment of distraction was all a trooper needed as he fired. Pain seared through her as the attack shattered her barriers, then her armor, driving the fragments into the fragile flesh beneath.

Another ghost from her past yelled as she collapsed and shot the trooper. Normally there would have been a spray of blood, brains and bone matter as the projectiles punctured the helmet. There was only a spray of armor fragments and what might have been dusty bone.

Blue slid into the welcoming darkness wondering why the spirit of James Vega was yelling for a medic.


	4. Homecoming

Waking up on the Normandy was an emotional agony that was almost physical. As Blue started to sit up on the too familiar bed in the medical bay her overly abused abdominal muscles bitterly protested. Then her left shoulder joined in with what felt like a flare of fire up and down the arm.

Gritting her teeth, at least her jaw wasn't adding to the increasing chorus of pain, which was an improvement over the last time she woke up like this, Blue completely the laborious process of sitting up in the bed. Panting, carefully so as not to set off her gut anymore than she already had, she surveyed the medbay, her heart aching even more than her physical injuries.

It was arranged the way Chakwas always insisted on, going all the way back to the shakedown cruise of the old SR-1. One of the little details she'd learned during her years of service was that the doctor in charge of a particular medical facility on a ship were typically very particular in how said facility was arranged. Many might be similar, but no two were exactly alike. Having spent far too much time in this room under Chakwas's less than tender care, Blue knew this was still the woman's domain.

Yet there was no sign of the doctor.

Troubled, she carefully turned her head to look out the window overlooking the mess, since her neck protested along with both shoulders at the movement, but that too was empty. It wasn't like the doctor to leave a patient alone like this. If only because Blue had a feeling she was in for one of the woman's infamous lectures. And it was even rarer for the mess to be empty like that. There was always someone in there given the way the shifts ran on the ship, even with the smaller than normal crew the Normandy needed.

Sucking in her breath at the line of fire ripping through her gut, Blue swiveled around so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed with her feet hanging just above the floor. She panted for a moment, trying to dampen the pain and regain her breath. Out of old habit, she clutched her left side to make sure she hadn't reopened that wound, but thankfully there was only the fist sized scar under her questing fingers.

Thank god for small favors.

Once her breathing got under control, Blue hesitantly asked, "EDI?"

When there was no answer she covered her face with her hands to hold back her tears. When she'd seen that the AI Core was still labeled as such, she'd thought... Well, she shouldn't have made that assumption. Lowering her hands, she looked around for some real clothing. If she was going to take a look around to see who was still around it wasn't going to be in a hospital gown with her ass flapping in the wind. Most modern facilities seemed to give their patients a bit more dignity than the old fashioned gowns. Unfortunately, Chakwas was old fashioned in some respects, particularly if she had a point to get across to someone.

Blue spotted the neat pile of clothing and was grateful for the thoughtfulness until she unfolded the sweatshirt to see that was the N7 hoodie that Joker and EDI had given her years ago. Her heart twisted since it'd been EDI's idea for a good gift, but she pulled it on anyway. Thankfully the pants were the matching sweats so it wasn't too much of a struggle to get them on. She was in no shape to mess with jeans. And was grateful that the hoodie was the type with a zipper. There was no way in hell she'd be able to pull something over her head.

It was only as she pulled up the pants that she realized just how much weight she'd lost. The sweats had always been a little baggy, since that's what they were designed to be after all, but now they practically fell off her hips. Even with the drawstring pulled as tight as possible. At least the top was long enough to make sure everything was covered.

She did pause when trying to figure out how to put on the sneakers left with the clothes since there was no way she could bend over to pull them on. Or even the socks that were laying neatly over them. Resolving herself to cold feet, and that she could no longer distract herself with inconsequential matters, Blue cautiously slid off the bed. When she didn't immediately collapse, the very sore woman took a few experimental, and very wobbly steps. Deciding that she'd be somewhat mobile for awhile, aching body parts not withstanding, Blue left the medbay in search of answers.

When she got to the elevator, she paused before the memorial that had been placed there when the Alliance had begun their refit of her ship. Her throat closed at the names that had been added since she'd last seen the plaque. She wasn't surprised to see Anderson's name, or even Javik's, but seeing Steve's... Scrubbing at her face to stop the tears, Blue let her anger chase away her grief.

EDI was gone and they hadn't listed her name? Since Joker's wasn't listed, what had happened? The two had become incredibly close and she couldn't imagine the pilot not insisting having EDI listed if something had happened to the AI. Legion's name was on the list of the fallen after all and the crew hadn't related to him anywhere near as well as they had to the being that had become the soul of the Normandy.

Footsteps drew her attention away from her sorrow and pain. Seeing who it was, the incipient tears fled as a broad smile, one that turned her from an averagely attractive woman to something beautiful. Blue didn't realize it kindled some of the old fire that caused others to willingly follow her to hell and back. She did see an answering smile in the watery blue eyes of the battered Taurian that approached her while his mandibles blew out as he gave her that more than wonderfully familiar toothy grin of his.

Thank god that the person she considered her best friend was alive and well. When his name wasn't on the list, she'd hoped, but hadn't expected him to be here.

"Garrus Vakarian. You're looking damn good for someone who should be dead." He really did. Even though he still had the scarring from that gunship blast back on Omega, he didn't have that rundown look they all had towards the end of the Reaper invasion. Though the uniform he wore was one she'd never seen before. A midnight blue, it was a fairly simple jumpsuit that had an emblem on the upper left of the chest. Done in gold tones, it was a ship in flight circled by stars.

It had more than a little passing resemblance to the memorial she'd placed on Alchera in honor of the destroyed SR-1.

"Cassandra Shepard. I wish I could say the same, but you look like hell. What was it you said that one time? Slap some facepaint on and no one will notice?"

Her grin broadened, "It's called makeup for human females and I don't think it'll help any." Ignoring the whine of the approaching elevator she stepped forward to hug him tightly, "You're real and alive."

He hugged her back, but more gently evidently mindful of her injuries and behind her the door opened, "You've said that twice now, Cass. Is that why you've been missing for so long?"

"Alenko told me the Normandy was lost with all hands on-board," she swallowed before hoarsely saying, "Hackett confirmed the report."

"Shit, now I can't have EDI kick your ass, " Joker commented dryly behind her, "Couldn't do it myself 'cause I'm not breaking my foot on you, Shepard."

Torn between the all too familiar feeling of choking her former helmsman and hugging him, Cass stepped away from Garrus to face the man. And the urge to choke him rose when she saw EDI standing with him. At least the AI had the grace to look ashamed when she saw Cass's expression,"I'm sorry, Shepard, Jeff made me promise to let him surprise you. When I saw you were in distress, I told him that he couldn't wait for you to find us."

They both wore uniforms similar to Garrus's, Joker even had a cap done in the same blue with SR-2 in gold lettering in place of the old cap he'd kept from their brief stint with Cerberus.

"She carried me to the elevator," he grumbled. Behind her Garrus made a suspicious sounding cough.

There was a hint of a smile as EDI serenely replied with, "You did complain you couldn't go fast enough on your own, Jeff."

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead and bring facts into the argument, " Joker groused before he gave Shepard a worried look, "Um, I hope we're not the reason for that look of 'Someone is going to die a horrible and painful death' because I haven't said enough to piss you off like that, Captain."

They were and they weren't. She also missed being called Captain instead of Commander because at that moment she was torn over who she wanted to kill more. Her former lover or her former commanding officer. The bastards had lied to her about her ship and crew. Now she wondered what else they'd lied to her about. Some more of the old fire came back and she was starting to feel like herself for the first time since her broken and bleeding form had been pulled out of the ruins of Catalyst.

Cass sucked in her breath and let it out in a whoosh as she instantly regretted the action. "No, it's not you. Just..."

She shook her head, the ragged hair swaying with the movement and she decided it was time to cut it, but was going to leave the color as is. She held out her hand to the smart-mouth pain in the ass with a smile, "It is really good to see you. Jeff." It was a subtle way of annoying the man since he always preferred to be called by his nickname. Only EDI got away with calling him by name, unless he was dealing with an important enough officer.

He looked at her bandaged hand with something like chagrin, "Somehow I think Chakwas will kill me if I do anything to mess up her work." While she looked at her hand in bemusement, she hadn't realized she'd injured it or that it was bandaged, he gave her that devil-may-cry smirk that she knew all too well, "Oh hell, I doubt it'll be anything worse than usual."

The pilot took her hand than grabbed her into a quick, tight hug, "We gotta change our reunions from when someone has pulled you back from the brink of death, Shepard."

She returned the hug, but carefully since she didn't want to break any of his ribs. Which had almost happened when they met up after her first interview with the Illusive Man. Laughter was better than tears since she didn't want to embarrass any of those present, and because she suspected it would all end in tears by the end of the evening. Shepard was feeling more than a little emotionally ragged. "Tell me about it. At least this time I was only half dead, instead of all the way there."

Joker stared at her for a moment before scrunching up his face, "I hate it when you do that, Captain."

This time the rank sank in. She frowned a little, "Captain? Are you sure you haven't been the one with the brain injury? It's Commander, remember? And really, I don't think I can be considered part of the Alliance military anymore. Considering the whole AWOL thing, after all."

As Joker started to snarl, "Shit" repeatedly, Garrus and EDI looked helplessly at one another over her shoulder. The sniper hesitantly said, "They, ah, didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what? I'm fairly sure that even as bad of a shape I was in three years ago I would've remembered a promotion like that."

Baffled, she looked over at EDI as Garrus spat out a rather vicious sounding, "Fucking bastards."

The AI shook her head with a troubled expression, "I'm not certain where to start, Shepard."

Vega's voice over the intercom was a very welcome interruption, "So, Joker, mi compadre, Chakwas says if you don't bring the Captain down for the rest of us to see her, she's gonna do that experimental treatment."

Joker's mouth snapped shut in mid-curse as he paled, "Message received. We'll be there in a few minutes."

"I'll let the good doctor know," came the sniggering reply. Good, Vega showing up on the battlefield hadn't been a hallucination after all.

At her curious look he just shook his head, "Let's get going before I find out that she's serious. And no, I'm not telling."

Being a smart woman, she knew when not to push and simply nodded. And truth was, surrounded by some of her oldest, and dearest, friends, Cass was starting to relax. Which in turn made her realize just how tired she was. Not just from the exhausting events of, well, however many days before. Probably only one or two given the partially healed state of her wounds since all the various enhancements stuffed into her still worked. No, the weariness was from the three years she spent trying to run away from her life.

It was good to be home, even if it was likely to be a short time.

"C'mon, Cass, the others are waiting in the starboard observation deck." She was a little startled when Garrus slid a clawed hand under her elbow, but the support was welcome. She was feeling a bit more wobbly than she wanted to admit. Though she couldn't help but wonder why Garrus was being so quiet, but right at that moment, she wasn't going to complain.

Instead she was going to try to satisfy her curiosity. Not just the uniforms, but also the distinct lack of Alliance insignia to be seen on the ship. Only, there wasn't enough time to ask since it wasn't a very long walk to the deck, even in her current somewhat debilitated state. Before opening the door, Garrus said quietly, "We'll talk later, Cass. There's a lot of people who want to see you right now."

The door slid open revealing a what seemed like a sea of people. Vega the first to emerge, a broad grin splitting his face, "Lola!"

She laughed with the others when he picked her up and spun her around. If the Normandy was her home, this was her family. She knew she probably shouldn't allow such familiarity, but screw propriety. Part of what had her running was the guilt and grief at the loss that had cut her apart. As the big soldier set her back down, Shepard saw that he too wore the same uniform as Garrus, Joker and EDI. All of those present were in some variation of it. She knew the Alliance hadn't changed their uniforms having seen some soldiers in uniform during her wandering.

Of course she hadn't paid attention to the news like she should have to know if there'd been any new peacekeeping organizations put together. She'd only listen for reports of any possible return of the Reapers, but they hadn't returned as promised.

Then Chakwas elbowed James out of the way, her eyes bright with tears and she softly said, "Shepard." She too embraced Cass. When she stepped back smiling, even as she brushed a stray tear from her cheek, "I'll save the lecture for later."

There was more laughter, then it was Adams's turn to first salute her before thumping her on the back. Hot on his heels were Ken and Gabriella with their own welcome, the former challenging her to another round of Skyllian Five. Gabriela rolled her eyes, "As if he didn't learn the last couple of times."

"I'll go easy on him this time."

Gabriela smirked at her sputtering partner-in-crime, "No need for that, Shepard. Does his ego good to be taken down a couple of pegs every so often."

"Hey now!" She grabbed his arm as Kenneth protested the insult and started to drag him away, "C'mon, Ken, there's other people who want to see the Captain and we can't be hogging up her time."

Traynor was there with her own smiling challenge to another match at chess. Cass smiled in return, trying not to smirk, she'd learned a few things about the game since that one disastrous game. There were a surprising number of fellow travelers who were happy to play chess to while away the time.

Even some of the junior crew were there with their shy smiles and salutes before heading off to their duties.

There was one final surprise. A Geth trooper unit, painted in the same blue and gold tones as the uniforms of the crew, including the insignia. 'It is good to finally meet you, Captain Cassandra Shepard. I am called Memory."

Cass automatically held out her hand to shake Memory's as she said, "Just call me Cassandra or Shepard. And it is good to meet you, Memory."

Memory tilted his head as some of the flaps around his main light flared in what seemed to be the Geth's way of expressing surprise. Or at least, that had been the way Legion always expressed his surprise. Then he lightly took her hand to complete the handshake. "Legion had shown us his memory of your human greeting. I am... honored that you would do the same for me."

She wanted to say it was just human custom, but she had a feeling relations with the Geth were likely still strained, so she could see how a friendly greeting could be so much more than a simple hello. It still humbled her how Legion had shown her how their first meeting had been preserved as a memory for all of his people to experience. "If I'm not being rude, I'll admit to some curiosity about your name."

There was a slight bob of the head, and she could see how they were being carefully watched. Somehow a majority of the people had left without her realizing it, leaving only those closest to her. Memory's somewhat reedy voice drew her attention back to the Geth. "My people wished to have a liaison to the Normandy to help with its mission. I agreed to act as such and chose this designation as a memory of Legion. You meant a great deal to him, Shepard, as the human who gave him the chance that you did. "

She hadn't known Legion as long as she would've liked, but she had come to like him a great deal, and through him, those of his people who hadn't been swayed by the Old Machines' poisoned code. Feeling more than a little overwhelmed she simply said, "His actions on that derelict Reaper gave me the reason to do so. You have no idea how glad I am that I did so." Silence fell for a moment, then she awkwardly asked, "So what is this mission?"

There was a lot of uncomfortable shifting about amongst the others as the flaps clearly gaped at her, "Why to continue your work of course."

Suddenly she felt cold, the Reapers were coming back after all? For a moment her vision went white, then when it cleared, Cass found herself sitting in a chair with a clawed hand gently combing through her hair as Garrus spoke to her soothingly. At least they hadn't put her head between her legs the way it was normally done when someone was on the verge of fainting. Then Vega shoved a glass filled with a generous measure of whiskey into her hand. Memory shifted uneasily,"My apologies, Captain. I did not mean to upset you. The work I was talking about was your efforts at peacemaking."

She took a healthy slug of the alcohol, enjoying the feel of the burn down her throat, even if wouldn't do a damn thing for her. Unless of course she drank a hell of a lot more than a mouthful. At least Vega gave her the good stuff instead of the wretched tequila he was fond of. "You are aware it was a purely selfish desire to get the forces I needed to save Earth, right?"

Garrus's hand paused as he said in exasperation, "Cass", and Vega choked on his drink. Joker just shook his head and EDI seemed to find something off in space to be extremely fascinating. Memory's flaps fluttered with a faint hissing sound. Finally he said, 'I believe this what I've been told about your self deprecation."

With a sigh, she took another sip of her drink, once again Shepard knew better than to argue at that moment. But it seemed like some of the alliances she formed were still holding up, which was both surprising and extremely gratifying. She never expected them to outlive the invasion.

Garrus leaned over, "And now it's time for that talk."

It was good to be home again. Even if the hammer was about to come down hard.


	5. Debrief From Hell

"Before the lectures start. I do have a question," Cass really wanted to ask a million of them, but figured she could start with one.

Joker peered at her as Chakwas made a production about scanning her for anything the doctor may have missed, Garrus looked down at her, "Are you okay? Just one question?"

She grinned a little as Vega snickered while he grabbed some bottles, "Well, I figured I'd start of with one so you could keep up with me."

Garrus shook his head as went to help James, "All right, so what's the one question?"

"So what's with the new uniforms?"

"Hah! I told you that's what she'd ask about first," Joker crowed, then he settled down, "It's part of what we need to talk to you about."

This time it was Garrus who gave her a drink, only he wisely handed her the bottle after topping up her glass. Then he placed a hand on her shoulder and he gently said, "There is one thing you need to know before we get into those details."

She looked up at the Taurian a little warily over her drink and he sighed, "It's about your mom..."

Dammit, she wasn't the weepy sort of person, but that was still a fresh wound, Even now, she looked away and said thickly, "Yeah, I know about her ship during the battle for Earth."

"It's not what you think, Cass."

"Yeah, what is it then?"

"Shepard, Cassandra... Your mom. She's alive."

Alive. It was almost too much. She closed her eyes and started to take a drink in the vain effort to coat her raw nerves then choked as Garrus continued, "In fact, she's the human representative on the Council now."

What had been a pleasant burn down her throat was anything but when it went down into her lungs. After wheezing for a bit, she coughed and sputtered, "She's what?"

All right, that was too much. Cass drained her glass under the concerned gazes of her friends. With shaking hands she refilled the glass, "Okay, I can accept that she's alive given the lot of you here. But Councilor? Given what Udina did, I didn't think they'd allow humanity another rep for a few more centuries."

Garrus sat down next to her with a quiet grunt, "The Council is very different these days -"

"I should hope so," Vega cut in angrily, "If those pendejos had listened to you in the first place-"

"Vega, enough. I had my issues with the Council, but it's the past now and nothing will change it." She scrubbed her face as Vega muttered a bit more to himself, and made sure her omnitool wasn't translating his rather creative cursing since she didn't want the distraction. "So mom is alive and Councilor. Wow, that must've been recent. I can't see them surviving her for three years."

"Well, the appointment was around, hmm, six months after the Battle for Earth once the Citadel was moved back to the Widow system."

She could barely hold onto the glass in her suddenly numb fingers. Carefully, very carefully, she set her glass down. And despite her protesting muscles, rested her head in her hands with her elbows braced on her lap. It was too much. They repaired that hell hole? After seeing how it had been turned into an abattoir?

"Shepard?" Garrus asked quietly.

With the alcohol threatening to come back up from her inner turmoil, she shook her head in silence. She could feel the weight of their concern again, but couldn't say anything, not yet. All the lies combined with the fact they were using the Citadel after all that had been done there? But that would be for later.

Sucking in her breath and letting it out slowly, she straightened. "I'll live. Right, so what about my question?"

There were worried glances exchanged and it was Joker who answered, "Well, it's like this Shepard. I'm sure you won't be surprised to hear that there's been some new laws put into place about AIs given that the Geth have joined the Council races and the not-so-secret secret about EDI's existence now. So the Alliance was a bit stuck about what to do about the Normandy. Technically EDI can survive outside of the ship, but she needs all the processing power that we've got in the AI core which in turn needs a shit ton of power to keep going. So it'd be considered dispossessing her from her body since her, er, mobile platform can't fit everything she needs to keep running."

EDI nodded, "There was also some question about the Alliance's seizure of the Normandy."

That was something she didn't expect, "Why would there be any question about it? Granted I wasn't exactly happy about being taken away in chains from my ship and crew, but the charges against me were valid. In a way."

It still rankled that she was called a war criminal, but she had to delay the Reapers any way she could. A part of her soul died when that Relay blew and took out the Balak system, even if it was a Batarian colony, given her history with that people. She'd still tried to warn them, but hadn't been able to because of the indoctrinated Dr. Kenson. That they were just the first of so many...

Well, that was history and something she couldn't change.

Vega snorted, "Yeah, well, everyone is singing a different tune now, even what's left of the Batarians. Anyway, it was decided that the Normandy is actually yours. With Alenko as persona non grata with both the Alliance and the Spectres, who wouldn't tell even Garrus why they were put out with him, and that we didn't want anything to do with his sorry ass, Garrus got put in charge with me as his XO. Temporarily of course."

God, this was worse than the debrief from hell, trying to cram three years worth of history into one conversation. But this was news that couldn't wait. And her brain reeled from Vega's unusually verbose answer. "Wait a moment, are you saying Garrus finally gave in and joined the Spectres?"

The subject of her latest question gave her a slightly sheepish look and nodded. A grin broke out, at least one piece of good news that didn't make her head hurt anymore than it already did. "Congratulations! I know that was something you wanted to do for a long time."

Garrus shrugged a little, "Once it was. Then I saw what you went through and almost turned them down. Then I remembered I'm the normal, sane one of this group, so I figured that it couldn't hurt. Of course, it does help that the Reapers are gone."

"I sense a but in there somewhere."

"Something of the sort. The Alliance wasn't too happy that EDI decided she was going to keep the Normandy working with me. But they did change their minds when first Vega said he'd stay on with the crew, then when I told Hackett that I was going to try to find you. Speaking of which, he asked me to pass a message along to you when I did find you. He seemed to think if anyone could find you, it'd be us."

Lightly rubbing at a freshly healed scar, Cass shook her head, "How many are looking for me?"

"Now? Only us, because we know you, Shepard. At first quite a few were looking, only very quietly. They didn't want it publicly known that the greatest hero of our time had gone missing. The official story is that you retired to an undisclosed location due to injuries sustained during the invasion."

She ignored the hero comment. "I'm guessing you were also hunting the remnants of Cerberus as well?"

There was silence as they studied her. She knew they were itching to ask her questions as well, but she wasn't ready yet to tell them. She was afraid in the end they would agree with Alenko about her.

Vega nodded, "Yep. Though maybe they should've called themselves, oh damn, what was that thing that grew too many heads?"

"Hydra? The serpent from ancient Earth mythology that grew three heads for each one that was severed?" EDI supplied helpfully.

He beamed at her, "That's it. Thanks, EDI. We find a base, clean it out, then it seems like 2-3 more would show up. They had their usual freaky experiments going on, but couldn't take any of them alive, or have anything to take for study later on. It all got slagged in some way. Then we find them, and you, on Sanctum."

The way he said Sanctum sounded as if he expected her to remember any type of significance to the place, but she'd been to so many planets in her career, it was hard to keep up with all of them. She shook her head. "Sorry, James, but I'm afraid I'm not following."

"Right, sorry about that. Back when the invasion first started, we raided a Cerberus base where we first found out they were experimenting with Reaper tech."

"That sounds vaguely familiar. I think there was some sort of medi-gel that helped one of the non-human races only and it was considered a failure by Cerberus?"

"Yep, that's the one. Which is here on Sanctum. Right now Shey is en route to investigate the place with Alan and your pal Griff."

Shepard just looked at him for a moment, wondering if she should know two of those three names. Deciding she didn't want to make her head ache anymore than it already did, Cass simply replied with, "Okay."

Shaking his head at the big soldier, Joker commented, "I think you left something out, big guy. Like the fact that Shey is Sheyoni Al'tera former Asari Commando. You'll like her, she's crazy like you are, Shepard. And Alan is Alan Steele once a combat engineer for the Alliance. They joined up sometime back, Vega here seems to have forgotten it was after we started looking for you."

Vega gave her a rueful shrug.

Quiet all this time, Chakwas finally spoke up, "Speaking of that base, Griffin had mentioned that you'd gotten some scans of a dead trooper before he...dissolved? He seemed rather upset about what he saw, but didn't want to say anything for some reason. And as usual, by the time we got to pick them up after your fight, the bodies had been destroyed by their nanites." She pursed her lips as she studied Cass, "And just why are you walking around without shoes? I'm positive I left something with the clothes."

"Karin, have you ever tried to pull socks and sneakers on when you've got a half-healed gut wound?" There were some quiet snickers from the others as the doctor sighed, "Point taken."

Cass became a bit more serious, "Before I pass over my readings, I want to assure you that my omnitool hasn't been corrupted in any way. I don't have your medical knowledge, but it's something out of a bad vid."

The older woman eyed her warily as she accepted the information on her omnitool. Then frowned deeply after skimming through, then lowering her hand she sighed, "I see what you mean."

"Sooo, care to share with the rest of us?" Garrus asked.

In her usual concise manner, Cass gave her report about the events on Sanctum since she first spotted the incoming combat shuttles. What seemed to horrify them the most was the fact that she worked as a laborer on the docks. Which it shouldn't have, since if they had been looking for her, they would have known she was doing similar types of work. Despite working with Cerberus for the short time she did to stop the Collectors, Cassandra Shepard was most definitely not a gun for hire.

By the time she done, Chakwas was shaking her head, "Only you would would charge someone without armor after putting your fist through a helmet. That finally explains the shoulder and hand. The hand in particular. Do you know how many shreds of faux leather I had to dig out of those lacerations?"

More than a little ruefully, Cass raised her bandaged hand to her sore shoulder, "I didn't realize I injured my hand to be honest. The shoulder let me know right away."

"Oh, Shepard," Chakwas said in despair. The rest laughed, including Cass. After eying the lot of them, even she chuckled a bit.

She'd almost forgotten about Memory until he he titled his head thoughtfully, one flap flaring up slightly, but he didn't say anything. At least where the organics could hear. If she didn't know better it seemed that he and EDI were having their own private chat.

"So the nanites from the Reaper tech is turning them into some sort of rotting, cyber zombie-vampire things?" Joker asked in disgust. "Like that isn't creepy at all. Even for Cerberus."

She shrugged with the non-wounded shoulder, but even that hurt. While she enjoyed the fact that alcohol didn't affect her the way it would have before Miranda rebuilt her, or that various other potentially dangerous compounds didn't bother her either, there major downside with that. Painkillers didn't work either.

Though at least she could feel the wounds slowly repairing themselves. Even though she should be used to that sensation at this point, it was still unsettling. Unfortunately, the systems didn't offer the near instantaneous healing that was popular in fiction. Still, days instead of weeks or months was a drastic improvement.

"It's Cerberus, I'm not that surprised they managed to come up with something awful. But I'll admit I am a bit baffled that you've been hunting just Cerberus and me."

"Well, maybe we've done a few other things here and there," Garrus commented. He raised one finger at EDI, "No need to elaborate at the moment."

She tilted her head and gave him a wide eyed look of pure innocence that she almost pulled off, "What made you think I was going to go into detail?"

"Because we all know you, EDI," he grumbled which earned him a small smirk.

She hesitated, but there was one painful question she had to have answered, "So Javik and Steve? They..."

The silent, glum expressions told her what she needed to. Alenko had told her that when Cortez was making one final, insane pickup in the hopes of getting to Cass in time, he'd only had managed to pickup Javik. And the blast that happened just after that pickup... She closed her eyes and bowed her head in memory of fallen friends, then sighed a little. "And the others? Tali...did she..."

It was Memory who answered, "Creator Tali'zorah is on Rannoch. She has been instrumental in helping the Creators learn how to integrate with the Geth. It has not been easy for either side, but it has been rewarding." He paused, then EDI nodded, clearly meant for the organics of the crew, "If you would like, I can have a message sent to Creator Tali'zorah through the Geth network."

She wondered if the Geth understood how much that meant to her. "You have no idea how grateful I would be if you did that for me."

He bobbed his head, "You are quite welcome. And it has been sent. I will forward her response as soon as it is received."

"Thank you again, Memory." She returned her attention to the others, "So what exactly happened to the lot of you back..."

Cass found she couldn't finish the question. Garrus leaned forward, understanding in those pale eyes. "Those of us with the ground forces got to the Normandy before Cortez made his final flight. He...He swore that he wouldn't come back without you. He notified us that he'd gotten Javik and was en-route to you and Alenko."

She nodded silently. The press of Reaper forces had separated the two Alliance soldiers from the displaced Prothean. Shepard quietly added, "Then the blast."

He nodded, was silent for a moment before resuming his story, "After the blast... Well, it was hard to hold onto hope."

Joker said, "Then we got Hackett's message. That you and Anderson somehow got onto the Citadel after all."

Shepard gestured for him to continue, she was still working up the nerve to tell them what happened.

The pilot gave her one of those looks, where one eye widened and the other narrowed as he debated pushing, only EDI gave her an unreadable look before lightly putting one hand on Joker's forearm. His breath huffed out, then he nodded. "There was nothing for a bit, which let me tell you scared the crap out of me."

Vega rumbled, "You weren't the only one."

As Chakwas and Garrus both nodded, EDI commented, "I was glad that I have the emotional control that I do."

"Then the Crucible started to activate, but then it seemed like it fizzled." He gave her another penetrating look, "And then it started to fire. The ships all scrambled to the different rendezvous points. We'd just hit the mass relay when there was this weird power surge, and that even weirder message that came with it. It sent us to an uncharted planet. Fortunately for our sorry asses it was habitable. And nothing like that weird toxic shit on Aeia. Took us a couple of months to get the old girl back into shape. We get back to Earth. Things are starting to be cleaned up. You're supposedly recovering from your injuries in seclusion and still not up to company. Then about a month later Hackett finally confesses that you're missing to us, while Alenko does his best to avoid everyone."

It was a little odd to hear Joker go on in such a way, but she didn't want to interrupt and when he was finished she still wasn't ready. "I still can't believe that you managed to pry the Normandy from the Alliance."

Garrus said quietly, "For some reason I get the impression there was a lot of guilt on Hackett's part. And now we know partly why."

She rubbed the back of her non-bandaged hand against her mouth as she thought things over. Carefully though, so as to not set off the shoulder. "Before I get to the ugly details... How are the others? Wrex and Bakara? Liara? Miranda, Jack, Jacob, Grunt? And -"

Vega grinned, she could see the relief in his eyes as he held up his hands, "Whoa there. One at a time. Since you asked about them first. Your two favorite Krogans are doing good. Especially Bakara. That lady has been kicking ass and taking names. When she told you that the females of her people were done with letting men dictate things? She wasn't kidding. And just so you know, they've got a little girl they named Shepard."

The last sentence rendered her utterly speechless. They named their kid after her? And they only had the one? EDI smiled, "There's a high percentage of newborn Krogan with some variation of your name. There's also a good number named after Mordin, but given their culture it's not surprising that they would honor your so much." She gave Shepard a side long glance, "And yes, the females are limiting the number of young they bear, they don't want to make the rest of the galaxy nervous."

Suddenly she regretted asking, but just nodded trying to take everything in. Vega gave her a sidelong look, "Since we're on the subject matter of the Krogan, Grunt is doing just fine as well. There's even rumors that he might have found a mate. Or she decided for him."

"I'm not sure the galaxy is ready for any mini-Grunts," she commented wryly. Garrus shook his head, "More like any mini-Grunts that are the result of Grunt and whatever female is willing to have him as her mate."

She grinned in response.

He continued, "And if it helps, the Krogan have been behaving themselves, I suspect largely because the women have put their collective feet down. Bakara will be delighted to know you're all right."

When she nodded again, there were some more uneasy looks, but Vega continued, "Miranda is still working in an unofficial capacity with some sort of think tank for the Alliance, her sister is actually attending Grisham Academy since they have the best facilities with someone with her gifts. Which I think Miranda probably regrets because it puts her in daily contact with Jack and the two of them have become as thick as thieves. And yes, Jack is doing just fine. Her students still call her the Psychotic Biotic out of affection."

She couldn't help the wicked grin that bloomed. It seemed so unlikely, yet she could somehow see the two of them hitting it off. "Bet that gives Miranda all sorts of fits."

Garrus's mandibles flared, "Oh, I'm sure it does. And what is that human term? Warms the cockles of my heart with the thought?"

There were times when she wondered where her friend got these things from. Judging from the expressions of the others, they were used to that little quirk. One she admittedly had missed. "That's certainly one way of putting it."

"Hmph," but she could see that he wasn't upset as he resumed his recitation. "Anyway, Jacob is working as an instructor for Alliance combat biotics while his wife Brynn is working at an attached R&D lab. They have a little boy Eric, named after Brynn's father."

"And I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that Samara seems to have retired from being a Justicar to spend time with her daughter Falere," Chakwas added.

"Good. I thought she was always too hard on herself for something she has no control over. But you've been awfully quiet about Liara."

"She's doing as well as can be expected, though she does have some news of her own she needs to share with you directly."

A frown tugged at her mouth, "You can't give me an idea of what it is? I hope it isn't that she turned into a weird, reclusive hermit."

There was an uneasy cough from Garrus, "This is something that she has to tell you herself. It'll be really bad coming from anyone else. Anyway, Zaeed finally nailed Vido Santiago's ass to the wall, he finally retired from the gun for hire scene. And Kasumi? Who knows. I'm pretty she's still out there pulling off her seemingly impossible schemes."

"Good. Good. I'm glad that things worked out for everyone the way they did." A little distractedly she skimmed her fingers along the arm of the chair she sat in. Then she studied Garrus and Vega, "It sounds like the two of you have things on the Normandy running pretty smoothly."

Vega scowled, "What are you trying to say, Shepard? That you don't want back? We held together as long as we did because we've been looking for you."

"That's not what I'm saying. I want to make sure that if you do have me back, you'll be fine with not being in charge anymore."

"You know I haven't been easy with command, and that's still true."

The pale blue eyes in the battered face could have been lasers as Garrus angrily asked, "If? Really, Shepard? We spend all this time and you ask if we'll take you back and have you in charge?"

Uneasy and restless, Shepard got to her feet to stare at the screen where Sanctum slowly rotated below the ship and the stars glittered against the blackness of space. "I'm not sure I'm capable of returning back to duty."

There were protests behind her, but Chakwas managed to talk over the rest, "You only need to take it easy for maybe a week before you're combat ready again. For light duty, you're just fine."

"Not to mention a few decent home cooked meals to put the meat back on your bones, Lola," Vega quipped.

A sad smile made its way onto her face as she said, "It's not that I'm worried about being combat effective again."

This was hard to admit, "I don't think I'm... mentally or emotionally stable enough to be trusted in such a capacity again."

In the awful silence that followed that grudging admittance, Garrus quietly said, "I think maybe it's your turn to tell us exactly how you got the Reapers to leave."

Quietly she said, "Yeah, it probably is time."

Sucking in a deep breath, despite the ache it caused in her chest and abdomen, she held it, then let it out slowly, "It all started with the blast that took out Steve and Javik."

Cassandra Shepard mentally prayed that if there was a God out there, that He'd give her the strength to tell them the awful truth. And that they had the forbearance to listen to the end before condemning her the way Alenko did.


	6. Dead Woman Walking

"It all started with the blast that took out Steve and Javik."

How could she reduce something so horrible to so few words? She still couldn't face them as she stared out the window into space, trying to figure how to tell them.

Traynor's return into the room was a welcome relief. She brightly asked, "I trust I haven't missed any of the good stuff?"

Smiling a little, Cass turned around to see the comm specialist bustling in with a tray full of a sandwiches. Some of them were wrapped in red plastic, the general standard for indicating that it was food for those with dextro-amino based biology. She set the platter on the coffee table that was in the center of the seating arrangement before handing the package over to Garrus, who accepted with a nod of thanks. Then Traynor fished out a can from one of the pockets in her uniform as she walked over to Shepard.

The smile turned a little evil when Cass eyed the can with dismay, she didn't have to see the writing on the container to know what it was. Every biotic that served in the Alliance knew what that can was when they pushed themselves too much for too long. It contained the most vile substance known to man that hid behind the benign title of protein shake. Being who she was, Shepard had drank more than her fair share of the crap in the past. Even before Eden Prime.

"Doctor's orders." Chawkas nodded firmly from behind the specialist and gave her one of those looks.

Giving the two women a wry smile, she took the can, "Yes, I know better than argue with the doctor in a case like this. Or I might find myself stuck in the medbay again."

There were quiet chuckles as she settled back into her seat. With an internal sigh, she cracked open the can while the others settled back down. The awful taste of the drink fit right in with the awful taste of what she had to say.

Wondering where her courage had gone, Cass restarted.

"As I said, it started with the blast that took out Steve and Jarvik. I was at the center with the other Hammer Forces when it hit. I was knocked unconcious... When I woke up... There was no sign of Alenko, and all I could see were the devastated Hammer forces. I'll admit, that was the worst shape I'd ever been in that I can remember. Even when I woke up on Lazarus station after Miranda's team put me back together."

They were silent, letting her speak on her own. She didn't have the words to convey just how horrible it was to wake up in that crater after that blast of light, heat and sound.

"I'd pretty sure it was a hallucination, but the first thing I saw when opening my eyes was Harbinger. It seemed like he was looking down at me. But instead of frying me or even just stepping on me, he flew off."

EDI spoke, who tried to sound reassuring, though Cass wasn't sure she could take comfort in what the AI had to say. "There is confirmation that Harbinger was there at the time, and he did pause before leaving. No one was entirely sure why."

She shook her head, she could feel the ragged ends of her hair shifting along her upper back. "Even now, I'm not sure why he paused either."

"And Cass," Garrus interjected gently, "I'm sure you of all people remember what it's like to be the focus of a Reaper's sole attention."

"Heh, yeah, you do have a point there, don't you? First Sovereign, then Harbinger. The one on Tuchanka, even if it didn't talk to me, the one on Rannoch..."

"Exactly."

Very carefully, she rubbed the back of her head with her bandaged hand. At least that shoulder was starting to work out the kinks so it wasn't so stiff and sore anymore. "It felt like that. God knows, I'd been under his scrutiny more often than I want to think about."

Cass rolled the not so aching shoulder in a semi-shrug, "So, Harbinger stared at me, and took off. I managed to scrape myself up off the ground."

She was intending to leave out the part that her armor was badly damaged, her weapons were gone, and she was more than half dead with a large shard of her armor imbedded in her side. Not to mention that she got a searing pain in her head from her biotic implant whenever she went to try to use her biotics.

Only she didn't expect Chakwas to dredge things out in front of the others. The older woman's eyes were hooded as she asked, "I imagine that is where that awful scar on your left side came from. It looked like there had been a forcible insertion of a large piece of foriegn matter.

There was no way she could hide the wince caused by that comment. The doctor studied her for a bit more, but didn't say anything further.

"There was another survivor, a marine, I couldn't stop the two cannibals in time..."

That was just the first nightmarish moment in a string of them. The sympathy in their eyes was almost too much for her to bear. Of course, they'd been there during the invasion when she'd been under the greatest pressure, but still. She cleared her throat, "I did put them down, and the marauder with them, before I could get into the gate to the Citadel."

The former soldier still had enough pride left that she was not going to admit how hard it had been to take those things down. Granted she only had a pistol, and she couldn't use her biotics at the moment, but still. The next part was going to be hard enough as it was. For a moment she considered grabbing a sandwich, only her stomach rebelled. It rebelled even more at the thought of the glass of whiskey.

She closed her eyes as she tried to control her breathing, unaware how pale she'd gone. When she reopened them, she looked down at her clenched hands, unable to face the others. "The gate...it opened to what I think might be one of the Keeper tunnels. I don't know how to describe it. Abattoir doesn't even begin to cover it, or even oubliette. There were two Keepers...working on the bodies."

Even now her mind could still replay with crystal clear clarity the awful sucking sound made as one of the Keepers removed the helmet off the corpse of a fallen soldier.

Garrus leaned over and lightly touched her arm with one hand being mindful of his talons, "Cass, if you can't tell us just yet, it's okay."

"It's only right that you know, " she finally looked up to take in the somber faces of her crew, "You need to know, so you can decide if you still want me back or not." And she needed to know the truth.

Not to mention, it was about time she stopped running away.

Vega and Joker were starting to get that mulish look she knew all too well, "Just hear me out first, then you can explode."

Joker started to swell with indignation until EDI lightly poked him, "Hey? What's that for? I don't explode."

She smirked at him, "So what you said last week to the docking officer wasn't an explosion? And reinforced Garrus's decision about letting Samantha handle all communications, not just the priority messages?"

He scowled in return, adjusted his cap with sharp movements, and in stead of answering the AI gave Shepard a narrow eyed look, "You've gotten too damn good at sidelining chats you don't want to have, Captain."

The accusation earned a bland look, but it had given her a much needed moment to regain her mental footing. Even if he insisted on calling her by a rank she didn't feel was hers. Knowing her helmsman, he did it deliberately. She finished off the last of the vile shake. "Anyway, as I was making my way along the, ah, tunnel," her mind whispered charnel house, which she shoved to the side, " is when Anderson contacted me. He'd gotten through the gate also, but ended up in a different location. It sounded like a similar tunnel to one I found."

Taking a sip of her neglected drink, she let them think that over. "The tunnel led to a massive chamber where the walls seemed to be going up and down. From what I could see there were dozens, possibly more, of those tunnels all leading to a main platform. I'm not positive, given how many changes there were to the place, but it looked like the Council chamber. That's where Anderson was."

"So was the Illusive Man. And he looked like he was already half a husk."

"Damn!" Vega finally exploded as he slammed one meaty fist into the flat of his other hand, "So that's where the weaselly son of a bitch went!"

"Yeah. He still thought he could control the Reapers. He could barely control two half-dead soldiers."

And this is where the really tricky part started. Shepard rolled her shoulders, the left one twinged, but not as badly as it had when she first woke up. For a brief moment she considered food again, but her stomach put paid to that notion. And the others were waiting in intense silence, "Yeah. He figured out how to use the Reaper nanites to control people. He managed to make me shoot Anderson, but I was able to keep it from being immediately fatal."

"If I may, Cassandra?" EDI has tentatively. That was a little surprising, EDI rarely called her by first name even though she had told the AI she had no problem with that level of familiarity. She nodded, "Go on."

"When Admiral Anderson was...examined. It was found that injuries he sustained in the blast at the gate were the cause of his death. It was noted that he'd been shot by a small caliber firearm, most likely a pistol, but had he not been so badly injured, it would not have been fatal."

Bowing her head, Shepard closed her eyes, an old weight off her shoulders. In her head, she knew she wasn't responsible for Anderson's death since it was the Illusive Man that made her shoot her old friend and mentor. Her heart felt otherwise since it had been her hand that had fired the gun. It had been best that EDI be the one to break the news to her, since of them all, the AI had the least reason to lie. Not that she couldn't, but EDI rarely saw the need to do so.

Taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she lifted her head up, and her voice thick with emotion, said, "Thank you, EDI. You have no idea how much that means to me."

EDI gave her a small, sad smile.

After taking another sip of her drink, for the moment she ignored the new can of protein shake that had appeared next to the glass. Which was more than likely Garrus's doing, since he could be a sneaky bastard at times. Knowing Chakwas, the doctor probably gave everyone a can since the doctor always fussed at Cass for not eating when upset.

"Anyway, the important thing was that while he could control my actions, he didn't have control over my mind. Or my mouth, since I was still able to argue with him."

Not just Garrus and Joker snickered, so did EDI. All three would remember the arguments between them over how Cass handled the situation involving the Collectors. "It was hard to see him in the state he was in. I never liked the man, and I loathed his methods in getting his goals achieved, but I did admire him for his desire to protect humanity and his intelligence."

Quietly, she described how he had raved at her about still being able to control the Reapers to the benefit of humanity, the counter arguments Anderson and she made disputing his assertions since he was clearly indoctrinated.

The Illusive Man turned to look up at Earth hanging in the sky before them and asked in despair, "It's all gone horribly wrong, hasn't it Shepard?"

"No, there's still a chance that we can win with the Crucible."

"You always were my backup plan, Shepard. It's why I didn't let Miranda put that control chip in you. Even though I let Liang go after you, I knew you'd find a way to win. And now, it's up to you to save humanity."

Without taking his eyes away from the world he loved, the Illusive Man shot himself with the gun he'd taken from Anderson.

Joker stared at her with one eye narrowed and the other slightly widened, "What is it with you, Shepard?"

Feeling a little confused she asked, "What?"

"How many people have you convinced to kill themselves so you didn't have to do it?"

More a little defensively she replied, "I don't do it on purpose, Joker. And really, it was only Saren and the Illusive Man."

"Only she says," the slightly scruffy looking pilot said in disgust. "Two people who were heavily indoctrinated, not to mention heavily modified by Reaper tech, and you convinced them both to kill themselves at quite likely the same place."

Oddly enough, Joker giving her shit undid the knots in her stomach. Carefully, she leaned forward to snag a sandwich, before biting into it, she grinned at him, "Well hell, Joker, look at what kind of headaches I gave to the Reapers."

He put a hand over his face and groaned, "You'd think I'd know by now not to try and trade wits with you, Shepard."

There was a muffled snort from someone, which earned a slightly grumpy look from Joker, and while she probably could have figured it out if she wanted to, she didn't. Vega and Garrus were openly amused at the pilot's expense while the others kept neutral expressions. Or tried to at any rate. Memory didn't say anything, but she was pretty sure the Geth was silently laughing as well.

He muttered, "I see how it is, pick on the crippled guy for your own twisted amusement."

Cass almost said something, until she saw the gleam in his eyes at the sandwich in her hand. Of course he'd know how to get her to do something given how long they'd known each other. So instead of getting exasperated with him, she just smiled, "That's right. Isn't that how you got your nickname in the first place? Being all smiles and laughter?"

That caused him to sputter for a moment before finally giving in and laughing. There was quiet laughter from the others and idle chat while they all ate. When they finished, she quietly cleared her throat, "I really should finish this. The part with the Illusive Man was only the beginning of all the... weirdness, I guess you could call it."

Traynor snorted, "Forgive me, Shepard, I know I don't know you as long as some, but I'm not quite sure you would know what weirdness is. And not just everything that happened after Eden Prime, but your career before then."

It figures someone would bring up the Skyllian Blitz. She shrugged, this time with both shoulders, the left wasn't bothering her as much as it had. Between the wretched shake and the food, her cybernetics were kicking into full gear to repair the damage to her flesh. "Well, let me put it this way, it was weird even for me."

All that comment earned was skeptical looks from everyone. She wasn't quite sure how a Geth managed that, but somehow Memory pulled it off.

"With the Illusive Man dead, I activated the Crucible and sat down next to Anderson. We both agreed that we had the best seat in the house before...before he passed on. And I'll confess, I was on my way also when Hackett got through to me to let me know that the Crucible wasn't firing as expected."

As she described dragging herself to the console, that was the only way she could move, her legs weren't cooperating at that point, Shepard didn't see her crew, just her own memories. Even though she was a dead woman walking, or crawling if you wanted to be accurate, she could feel the desperation when nothing she did worked.

Desperation that turned into despair when she blacked out at the console.

"And that's when it gets weird. At least for me it was. I was woken up by the AI that was created by Leviathan's people. The Citadel isn't just the Catalyst, it was the home of the AI also."

There was silence for a moment, before they all started talking at once. She finished off her drink before saying firmly, "Enough, please."

Look a little sheepish, Vega rubbed the back of his head, "Sorry, Captain."

"Believe me, that was something I could have lived without. Particularly since it chose to use the image of a little boy for its appearance. Why it picked that image out of my nightmares, I'm not sure, but it did."

"Excuse me, Shepard," Memory commented with a tilt of his head, "You refer to EDI and I with gender specific pronouns, but not this AI. May I ask why?"

"Because you act like people, the Catalyst AI...it didn't. I don't think it even tried to understand organic life."

He tilted his head to the other side, and with a gentle hiss, some of the flaps flared, "Interesting. Thank you."

She nodded to him. "It did verify what Leviathan told me, that it had been constructed with the intention of stopping synthetic life attacking organic. So it came up with the 'solution' of the Reapers." Cass gave them a rueful look, "It didn't appreciate my comment of 'It doesn't seem to have worked out too well since it seems like you keep proving the same thing over and over with each cycle.'"

Garrus made a sighing chuckle, "Only you, Cass, only you. I know some Earth cultures believe in guardian spirits, you must have an army of those poor things keeping an eye out on you."

Cass wasn't the only one to grin at his comment. "Once it got over its huff, I was given three choices. Because supposedly I was the first organic to reach its sanctum, and because this was the first cycle where the Crucible was built and functional."

"Why do I get the feeling none of us are going to like the choices you were given?" Joker asked, "And why do I get this strange idea that you went your own way. Again."

"You're right, I didn't like any of Catalyst's choices, but well, I'm getting ahead of myself. The first choice was to destroy all synthetic life. Which would likely include anyone who had many cybernetic augmentations and replacements like I did."

"Since you clearly didn't take that option, thank you," EDI said quietly.

"Because you're one of the main reasons why I didn't, you're welcome. You're a part of my crew, EDI, and I'd like to think of you as a friend. While I've had to sacrifice people, or let them sacrifice themselves, doesn't mean I can do so easily. And I wanted to give the Geth a chance." She turned towards Memory, "Your people didn't turn on your creators like other synthetics had in the past. They turned on you in their fear. I couldn't do the same."

Memory regarded her for a very brief moment before bobbing his head and saying quietly, "And you wonder why Legion held you in such high regard."

Shrugging a little uncomfortably, Cass went on, "The second choice was ironic. It seems the Illusive Man was right. They could be controlled, but it wouldn't have been by him because he was indoctrinated. However, since the AI claimed I wasn't, I could control them, but it meant dying in the process."

Vega eyed her, "Sure, you're kinda scrawny right now, but that can be fixed with some of the recipes mi abuela taught me for invalids. Anyway, you're clearly alive and the Reapers have been gone all this time. Even if they left with that odd message about choosing our own fates. So I guess that has to do with the third option?"

Chosing to ignore the invalid comment, Cass shook her head, "I wish, but no. Because of the amount of cybernetics I have in me, the Catalyst told me that if I threw myself into this beam of energy, it would change life so there wouldn't be synthetics or organics, but some sort of hybrid of both."

For a moment, Cass seriously considered taking a picture of the horrified expressions, even from EDI and Memory. "It said that synthetics sought understanding and organics sought perfection, that option was the best since it would achieve both goals."

"Ummm, "Garrus started to say something, then stopped shaking his head.

Chakwas spoke up, having listened in silence most of the time, "I think you are right, Shepard. I don't think it understood organics. And having worked with EDI and Memory, I'm not quite sure it truly understood synthetics with free will and minds of their own. We organics seek perfection, but it's the journey that is important, not the destination. Reaching perfection means that there's no reason to continue to explore and dream and grow. Which leads to stagnation."

"And understanding is not something that can be forced upon an individual," Memory said. "Yes, what Legion did might be considered that, but it wasn't forcing. Each collective had the choice of accepting the individuality that Legion offered. We accepted since it gave us a...wholeness that had been lacking. While we chose to keep our links, it is no longer required for us to be linked in collectives to have our intelligence. So if I might ask for everyone, how did you destroy the Reapers without your death or destruction of all synthetic life?"

"I didn't destroy them. I freed them from Catalyst's control. Of their own free will, they left our...'plane of existence' with Leviathan and the rest of his people."

She expected an outburst from someone, most likely Vega or Joker, considering their reactions to some of her choices in the past, but there wasn't any. In fact, it was Vega who said, "Hey, whatever it was you did, Captain, it worked. I'll admit though, I would like to know what exactly it was that you did."

"It was Harbinger that actually gave me the solution. As well as Leviathan."

Garrus had spent way too much time around Joker when he gave her what she privately termed "Joker's googly eyed look", and it looked all wrong on a Turian face. "Leviathan, I can believe. Harbinger...I seem to remember that when the Collectors weren't able to take you for their human-Reaper, he wanted you dead."

"That changed when he realized that I really didn't want to control the Reapers, or destroy them. It took some doing, but I did eventually pry out of Catalyst that the Reapers really didn't want to repeat these endless cycles. As it put it when talking about Harbinger, they were most displeased with the situation they found themselves in. And before anyone asks why they didn't do anything to break free...they couldn't. Catalyst had too firm a grip on them. After all, it could decide to put in whatever controls it needed when it made the different Reapers."

At least they shared her horror as they came to realize how long the torture must have been for those beings that had realized what was happening and couldn't do anything about their situation. "I think after awhile, they just gave in to what they considered to be inevitable. But they didn't anticipate all the differences in this cycle compared to previous ones."

There were nods of agreement. "I didn't like any of the choices, not because it involved me dying, but because of what it did to other people. At that point, I was a dead woman walking and honestly had no idea how I could still be vaguely functional. But if I didn't take any of them, the Reapers would continue their enforced harvest, " she took a breath and let it out slowly, "I chose to control them in the hopes that I could do something to stop this madness. When I finally made my way to that console, and touched it, Harbinger spoke to me."

The pain was the worst she had ever experienced at that point, the only thing that rivaled it was the emotional agony of realizing the depths that Alenko and Hackett had lied to her. "He said to me, 'So in the end, Cassandra Shepard, you are no better than the Catalyst. Or the man that had brought you back to this existence.' And I asked how could I free them without destroying everyone else?"

Then Leviathan made his appearance in her mind. Like the first time he had entered her consciousness, she lost all notion of her physical self. In that situation, it was a blessing, allowing her to think freely. It was as if the ancient, powerful being was using her mind as a bridge to reach the Reapers. He answered for them all, "By destroying our greatest mistake, what you call the Catalyst."

"And how do I know that you won't try to enslave us the way you did organics all those eons ago? Like you did even recently?"

Harbinger answered, feeling the weight of his terrible hope, she almost wept as he spoke , "There are other planes of existence, Shepard. We would go there to start anew, to study, to explore, to see who we are after all this time. There would be no more harvests. No more slavery by our actions, or the actions of our descendents."

Leviathan didn't say anything for a long time. Or what seemed like a long time to her. And Shepard found herself wondering if her physical body wasn't already gone at that point. If it was, she had no desire to spend the rest of eternity with them if she could help it. There was a hint of amusement from someone at that thought, and she was fairly certain it wasn't Harbinger or Leviathan. Neither struck her as having any sense of humor.

She didn't think a Reaper could have a sense of humor. But someone in that crowd still did.

Finally Leviathan spoke, "This is agreeable. This is where the Catalyst's main systems can be found." Schematics of the AI Core bloomed behind her eyes. " Destroy the core and you free those who have suffered for our mistakes."

"I will admit, I'm surprised at your admission."

"We have had time to think on what has happened since our last conversation. The young races of this cycle are not the same as the previous ones. For the first time, in a time your mind cannot comprehend, we have come to the conclusion that it is past time that we have moved on. And that we have...regret for the damage wrought from our arrogance."

Then she was back in her badly injured body. Cass was almost unable to physically pry her hands from the energy arcing through the console that was killing her, but she found the strength to do so.

"Not surprisingly, Catalyst was unhappy with the fact that I stopped the process. It became even more upset when I started to, well, shuffle over to the center of the three consoles where the AI core was housed."

"It was screaming profanities, wasn't it?" Garrus asked a little too blandly.

She gave him a weak grin, "Just screaming in pure rage, I think. I was a little too out of it to really pay attention to what it was saying. I knew it was pretty pissed off though. But it didn't have the means to stop me. It didn't have anything that could get to me quickly enough to stop what I was doing. Even if I was moving at a snail's pace. I ended up using my biotics to crack it open and smashing the core."

Chakwas narrowed her eyes accusingly, "I thought you said you couldn't use them."

"I could, but it hurt like hell. At that point, I was in so much pain that what was a little more? Though it did knock me unconscious."

Joker shuddered, "At least you missed Harbinger's announcement. The Normandy was just entering into the relay to go to our appointed rendezvous when it came through. " His voice deepened as he tried to mimic the Reaper's voice, "We cannot undo the past. All we can do is give you the gift of your future. May you use it wisely." He shuddered again and his voice went back to normal, "Then the Reapers just...vanished. And there'd been no word about Leviathan, but then again, I think everyone tried not to think about his people too much. I guess their departure was the cause of that surge that sent us off course. So I guess Alliance command didn't like how you sent the Reapers packing?"

"You could say that. I'm not sure how long I was out of it, before the doctors let Alenko in to see me. Given my injuries, Hackett didn't want to push me, but he knew what was between us and figured it couldn't hurt. I told him a brief synopsis, figuring he'd just pass the report on to Hackett. He...didn't stay long, said he didn't want to add anymore stress to my system. He told me to get some shut eye and he'd see me again."

She could see the change in Alenko's eyes, though she didn't tell her current audience. It was worse than Horizon when he saw her with Garrus and Mordin, worse than when he saw that damnable Cerberus insignia on her armor with her N7 tag. That was when she realized he never loved her, just loved what he thought she was. As Cass took in the expressions on her crew's face, she knew she didn't have to tell them. Some had made it subtly clear they didn't approve of the match, but she'd thought it was because of issues involved with the chain of command, but at that moment she started to realize the disapproval came from what they'd seen what she hadn't. Or rather, hadn't let herself see.

"When I saw him next, I was a patient at Ashworth Hospital."

She'd thought she'd seen Chakwas upset, even horrified, but not like this. "The high security psychiatric hospital? Why in god's name would they do such a thing?"

Joker snarled and got to his feet, "They put you in the bug house? Why? Sure, you're crazy, you have to be to pull off the shit that you've done. But not bug house crazy!"

"They were convinced that I was either a tool of the Illusive Man or indoctrinated. Maybe both. Or maybe I just finally cracked."

There was a low growl from Garrus accompanied by the sound of shredding fabric. Almost absently she thought that in the next port, they were going to have to do some repairs. Knowing how strong he was, she really hoped her friend wasn't going to try to rip the chair from where it was mounted. She mentally sighed in relief when he remained seated, but did a number on the arms of the chair. "Damn Alenko. I knew he still harbored suspicions, but to convince them to put you in psychiatric care like that?"

Chakwas said very, very coldly, "Not just any, it's one designed to house those that are considered to be dangerously violent and a high threat to public safety. One wing is dedicated solely to military personnel that fall under that category."

Well, at least they didn't think she was that kind of crazy. Vega eyed Garrus worriedly, but directed his comment to Cass, "You obviously know Liara is alive, since she never made to the Normandy in time. And you were sending Javik's memory shard to her... So why didn't you seek her out?"

"I was afraid. I was afraid that they were right. And as time passed and I realized that maybe they were wrong, I wasn't sure how to approach her. I figured it was better to let everyone think I was gone."

That admission cost her more than they knew. Oh, she'd admitted to worries in the past, but never to having a gut deep fear of anything. "And I was worried that the Alliance would intercept me if I approached any of my known friends and allies. Which is why I didn't show up on Baraka's and Wrex's doorstep."

Eying her angry crew, though none of that anger seemed to be directed to her, Cass was a little surprised at what they were angry about. Since her right hand was no longer going through the itch of healing, and the bandage was starting to chafe, she started to remove it, despite the annoyed sounds coming out of Chakwas. "So, none of you are upset about the fact I didn't destroy the Reapers like I intended?"

She really wished they'd stop looking at her like that. Garrus clenched the shredded arms of his chair, "Cass, I was there both times you freed the Rachni queen. The first time, I thought you were insane. The second time... Well, not so much. And while the Reapers did manage to use some of her children against us, she proved to be valuable ally in stopping them. And in the last three years, her people have made good neighbors."

Memory spoke right after Garrus, "That I am here is proof of your willingness to turn enemies to allies. And to convince others to accept such an alliance. That you freed the Reapers when you found out that they were unwilling thralls to the Catalyst? Why would any who truly know you be surprised at that action? That your leaders treated you in such a fashion after saving us all is the action we cannot understand."

Flexing her fingers after removing the last of the bandage, Shepard quietly replied, "Well, it wouldn't be the first time. I'm not exactly the most, hm, obedient soldier they've ever had. Anderson was the only commander of mine who truly understood what made me tick."

Once Hackett fell under the same category, but not anymore. She was still trying to fathom the depth of betrayal she was feeling.

Traynor leaned forward, "So how did you... leave such an august institution? Since you were on the go for so long."

"If you're expecting something exciting, well, I'm sorry to disappoint. I'm not sure about the weirdness though."

Since her stomach started quietly gurgling, letting her know more food would be good, she resignedly snagged the can of shake, cracked it open, but spoke before taking a drink, "Someone, and I suspect one of the doctors, left me my omni-tool, Javik's memory shard that I had with me, and a janitor's jumpsuit."

"What makes you think it was one of the doctors?" Vega asked curiously.

"I heard two of them talking at one point. I'm not sure if they didn't know how well I could hear them, or didn't care. One of them seemed pretty perturbed that I was that confined there. He felt that I should be in a proper medical facility making sure that I was getting the kind of care my injuries required. And to make sure there was nothing wrong with my augmentations." She gave them a rueful grin before slugging back some of the can. She was quietly proud of herself for not grimacing at the taste. "At least they knew it was a moot point at trying to pump me full of various drugs."

That last comment drew some scowls, and she sighed, "I don't know what say. I tried pointing out at one point that the Reapers were winning before they left. Yet, certain people kept acting like I'd helped them win or something." She shook her head, finished off the can, and shrugged. The right shoulder was fine, the left grumbled but didn't have the searing pain from before."Anyway, the doctor who was not happy about my presence in that particular hospital stated that I was clearly the same person that he observed during my previous incarceration."

Vega nodded, "Might've been Dr. Rasmussen, then. We had a shrink as one of your observers. Just in case."

That part didn't bother her, "I can't blame them for that, all things considered."

The huge man eyed her warily, "You weren't too happy about that lockdown, Shepard."

"Well, they took away my ship, caused most of my crew to scatter to the four winds and brought me back to Earth in literal chains."

He winced, "Yeah, I can see how that would rankle. At least they kept you in better accommodations than..."

"They actually were fairly nice to me in the Ashworth, at least, as much as they dared. Most of the staff seemed offended on my behalf. Which is why I suspect there wasn't a hue and cry raised over my unorthodox exit from the hospital. And yes, I did a thorough scrubbing of my omni-tool to make sure it wasn't bugged in some fashion."

EDI tilted her head slightly before any further responses could be made to her final statement, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Sheyoni is signaling for pickup."

Joker nodded slightly and gave Cass a piercing look, "Anything else you feel we need to know right away, Shepard? 'Cause you look like you need more shut eye."

She mutely shook her head at his surprisingly diplomatic description, she knew she looked like shit. He gave a fierce grin, "It's good to have you back, Captain."

Everyone, except Garrus, got up and started to filter out, echoing Joker's sentiments. Humbled, she sat in silence, but feeling some old emotional wounds starting to heal under the balm of their welcome. Garrus spoke gently, "I think there was something you forgot, my friend."

Surprised, she looked up at him, "What is that?"

"Just as the Normandy and the crew belonged to you, you belonged to us in the same way. Why would you expect us to turn on you?"

Her voice was hoarse as she spoke as she looked away, "Because it felt like everything else did."

There was a rustling sound of cloth as the Turian getting out of his chair. He crouched down before her and took both of her hands in his, "Cass, after everything we've been through... the only way we'd turn from you is if you'd rejoined Cerberus and were directing them. And even then we'd wonder if you weren't setting them up."

That earned him a weak smile and he carefully tightened his grip on her hands as his expression changed to something unreadable. No, not unreadable. She wasn't sure she wanted to read what her dearest friend's eyes were trying to tell her. He said quietly, "I'm not like that idiot Alenko."

And there it was. The thing that lay between them ever since they reunited on Omega and had silently grown during the madness of the Collectors, then the Invasion. She squeezed his hands in return, "No, you're not. And I hope you can forgive the cliche, but I need a little time."

"Of course. You need a chance to get your head on straight." He grinned at her, "Or as straight as it ever gets."

She chuckled with him. When they fell silent, he rose from his crouch and drew her up out of her seat, "You look like you're about to fall over, so let's get you into your bed before you do, or Chakwas is going to put you back into the medbay."

Leaning against him, partly for the physical support, she was still wiped out, but mainly for the emotional support, Cass let Garrus lead her from the room. It was as they got on the elevator that she realized where they were going. "I'm not dispossessing you from your quarters?"

"Nope. I took over Liara's old quarters. Everyone seemed offended at my attempt to re-establish my old digs in the battery. Saying it wasn't proper for a Specter."

"You always did have a thing for big guns."

He just grinned at her as the elevator opened to the antechamber of her old quarters. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, "Please tell me that Vega isn't still down in the hold."

"Wellll, I could, but I try not to lie to you, Cass. He seems happy with his setup and no one really wants to argue with him."

Cass nodded and froze as the door opened. For the most part, her quarters seemed like they always had. And at least this time no one had messed with her ship models. In fact, it looked like there were a couple of boxes of models she hadn't seen before sitting on a part of her desk. There was one big change though.

"Thank god, you guys finally got rid of that damn fish tank."

Garrus chuckled as he started to steer her towards her bed, "Yeah, I remember all of your attempts at trying to keep fish. Even that ridiculously fancy VI you got didn't do much to keep those poor things alive."

"It did better than I did."

"That's not saying much, Shepard."

She gave him a lopsided grin as she paused to study what replaced the damn tank. And felt herself tearing up a bit, various mementos of her life on the Normandy, including the long lost SR1. "I have the best crew in the whole damn universe."

"You bet. And to keep up with us, it's time you got some rest. I think you're about to fall asleep on your feet."

"I think you might be right."

With a gentle nudge, he got her to the bed, then she found herself lying flat as he pulled the covers over her. "Sleep well, Cassandra Shepard."

Cass gave him a rare, sweet smile as her eyes drifted closed. Garrus lightly ran the tips of his fingers through her hair before leaving her to her much needed rest.

For the first time in years, she did sleep well, secure in the knowledge that she was finally home.


	7. Trouble

"Captain," Griff's carefully neutral greeting gave Cass pause as she entered the otherwise empty conference room where the debrief about the Cerberus base was going to be conducted. She'd never been a stickler for formality with her officers and specialists. At least he didn't he get to his feet to salute like Jacob used to when they first started working together.

"No need for such formality," she said easily as she made her way over to the beverage bar where a coffee urn and assorted drinks were arranged. Ignoring his slightly goggle eyed look, she held up an empty mug, "You want coffee or something?"

Cass couldn't help but grin at the suspicion he cast on the urn. "Trust me, it's not the swill the Alliance supplies. Someone, probably Vega, got a line of the good stuff."

Griff shrugged, "Why not then? I take mine black."

"Good choice." She filled two mugs of the stuff and walked over to the table. Like too many other things, caffeine didn't hit her system the way it used to, but she still enjoyed the taste of good coffee. And there was probably a psychological addiction somewhere in there to boot.

He quietly thanked her when she handed him a mug, but just stared down at it as she settled down in her customary place at the head of the table. She drank from her mug as she internally debated with herself, and even though she didn't expect an answer, she asked, "So what's wrong? Other than the colony getting hit by that Cerberus raid."

For a moment he toyed with his mug before saying, "Well, you hear the stories. But you don't believe them, until you have the proof right in front of your eyes... Shepard, how is it that you're up and walking only two days after getting shot down like that? I know Dr. Chakwas is a fine surgeon, but I saw what you looked like when Vega got to you. A good surgeon and medigel can work miracles, but not like that."

When he started off with the comment about stories, she mentally braced herself, but the actual question wasn't so bad. With a wry grin, she said, "Miranda Lawson really is the genius she believes herself to be. Her team used cutting edge tech that was so cutting, it made itself bleed to put me back together."

He grunted, "Sounds too good to be true."

"There are some downsides, but overall, nothing I can't live with." She wasn't about to elaborate with him. Hell, she was pretty sure she hadn't told everyone all of them, including Chakwas.

"Since you are still alive and kicking, I suppose you're right." The scarred man drank deeply from his mug then shook his head with disbelief radiating from him, "I just can't believe I went by you at least once a day, maybe more sometimes, without realizing who you are, Shepard. Though something made me wonder about you, but not that."

That earned him a smirk, "I learned more from certain people than they think."

He gave her another wide eyed look, but didn't say anything as the door opened and a deep male voice thundered, "Trouble! What're you doing to that poor man this time?"

With a huge grin, she jumped to feet to clasp hands with the enormous black man with shiny, bald pate that was made up for with the luxuriant, neatly trimmed circle beard that surrounded his mouth and chin. "Boomer! I was hoping it was you when I heard the name, but I wasn't sure."

Behind her, as Boomer hauled her into a rough bear hug, Griff groaned, "Of course Shepard would know him. He's as much trouble as she is."

A soft giggle could be heard behind the man's bulk. Letting her out of the hug, but keeping on hand on her shoulder, Boomer stepped to the side pulling in a tall, slender Asari into the room next to him. Her skin was a much darker shade of blue than Cass was used to seeing in that race, with unusually pale eyes. Boomer rumbled, "Sheyoni Al'tera, may have I have the pleasure of introducing you to Trouble? Also known as Captain Cassandra Shepard?"

"Alan. Steel." She said tightly. He only grinned more at her as the Asari reached out a hand in greeting, a smile softening the harsh angles of her triangular face. "I'm truly glad to finally meet your acquaintance, Captain."

Taking Sheyoni's hand in a firm handshake, she smiled in return, "No need for formality. And take a seat while you can. I hope there's enough room for everyone here."

With another slightly shy smile, the other woman nodded, then slipped off to take a seat at the foot of the table. Boomer still hadn't let go of her shoulder, which thankfully had fully recovered while she slept. If only her gut would get caught up with the program, she'd be a happy trooper. She eyed him sharply, "If you're going to comment about my weight, don't. I've gotten enough grief as it is yesterday and today."

He just gave her a toothy grin before gently squeezing her shoulder and joining Sheyoni at the table. Griff just looked gobsmacked. That wasn't anything unusual, most of her teams tended to have that look at first. At least he wasn't giving her shit about her appearance. Wondering where Vega and Garrus were, she returned to her seat. Settling back down to her coffee she surveyed the lot of them, no one seemed badly injured, which was good.

Yet as the three chatted, talking about everything but the Cerberus base, she picked up a hint of unease. To her surprise, it was Griff who tried to break the tension, "So Steel, while I shouldn't be surprised, why do you call Shepard Trouble?"

Boomer flashed another of those grins, "Because she is."

Cass snorted, "Just like its your fault that I have the reputation of blowing everything up around me."

Griff stared at her, "And whose idea was it anyway to blow up that damn mech?"

She batted her eyes at him and gave him an innocent look, "And who went a long with me?"

Snickering, Alan commented, "Man, it's just like the old days."

The horrified expression of the former peacekeeper shifted over to Alan, "Excuse me?"

Alan's grin threatened to split his head in half, "I first met Shepard at The Villa, we were part of the same team in training. She wasn't even in charge at first. That didn't last long, the guy they put in charge of us was a gormless dweeb."

"Alan." She couldn't help the exasperation. That was the best description of Lieutenant Brian Emerson, but it wasn't terribly respectful for a person invited to the ICT.

"I know you saw him the same way, you were too polite to say so. Even if after awhile you got tired of him and just started taking charge. Which is pretty impressive for an ensign." Another evil grin flashed, "I took to calling her Trouble because before she just took over, she'd say, 'I have an idea. Sir.' The way she called him Sir...well, it sounded like she trying not to flash fry him with her biotics."

She huffed, "I can't set anything on fire with my biotics and you know it. You were the one who caused the sudden fires, and even worse, the explosions. And that's how you got called Boomer. You should've been nicknamed Boomer considering the shit you did."

"Hmph. Anyway. She'd start off about having an idea. Next thing we know we're all following her plan. We got into a lot of trouble, got out of it too. We only lost someone if they were completely brainless. Like the aforementioned dweeb."

He shook his head, "And none of us knew we had us a genuine war hero in our midst. We thought she was just some wet behind the ears kid that just got done with her first tour of duty who had a touch more smarts than most. Until the end of the training session and one of the instructors commented that it seemed her actions on Elysium weren't a fluke."

Shepard couldn't help it, she scowled at him. Vega laughed as the door opened to the little tableau and Garrus commented, "Spirits, but I'm glad that isn't directed at me."

Unphased, Steel leaned back in his chair, ignoring its groaning protest as the two men took their places to either side of her at the table. "Oh, I was just telling Shey and Griff the origin of Trouble's name."

Garrus glanced at her, "You mean, she already had that nickname before I met her?"

While she was grateful that they showed up, she did not need Vakarrian or Vega to give Boomer even more ammunition against her and vice versa. Calmly she said, "All right people, let's get our game faces on. I believe we've got a debrief to go over?"

They settled down immediately as they got down to business. She'd pay for it later, but that's okay, she had her share of embarrassing stories. Right at that moment, her not quite healed abdomen was complaining about the position she was sitting in, not to mention the fatigue she was feeling from the speed healing her body was being put through, she wanted to get this over and done with.

The way they all became very serious bothered her, especially the way Garrus and James were both watching her carefully. Add in the fact that Alan of all people was giving her the same look...

"All right. How bad is it?"

James started it, "EDI, would you put up the display when we went through this base about four years ago?"

Four years. Had it really been that long? But Cass forced that away as she turned her attention to the display of what she considered a pretty typical Cerberus facility. Clean straight lines, white enamel and chrome surfaces that were easy to disinfect and keep clean, top of the line equipment for scientific research. The layout seemed familiar, labs on the upper level above a shuttle bay that was next to a security station that overlooked a storage area.

"That does ring a few bells like when you brought it up yesterday." It was damn hard to not lean forward to really study the footage.

"Yeah, I didn't quite remember it myself, it took EDI to remind me that we went through the place with Liara at the beginning of the Invasion. And our first confirmation that Cerberus was researching the Reaper Tech far more than we realized."

Sheyoni commented, "It's not quite so pristine now. I'm not quite sure how the troops even survived this place, but it does explain the, um, state they're in. EDI, if you would be so kind as to bring up the results of our survey?"

Without saying anything, EDI quickly changed to something that could pass for the laboratory of a mad scientist that would create the nightmares she'd fought a few days before. What had once been bright lighting, was now dark and shadowy, with spots of light generated by unseen sources. Something that caught her eye made her frown and lean forward despite her aching gut.

"EDI, can you pause that please?"

"Of course, Shepard." The scene stopped as requested, the firefight between the three and the Cerberus troops froze, but that wasn't what caught her attention.

"Is that...ball lightning?" The crackling discharge of energy certainly looked like it, but she couldn't possibly believe that Cerberus would sink so low as to allow their equipment to be that faulty.

The former commando nodded, "There was an electrical discharge that went off in different portions of the base. Fortunately, we were able to figure out the rough timing so we could avoid getting hit by it. Sometimes we were able to lure some of the enemy into its path."

"If you'll restart it, EDI?"

This time the AI didn't say anything as she restarted the video from where she left off. In silence Shepard watched the sequence, shuddering despite herself at the wall of what had been clear glass was now filled what appeared to be insects of some sort, highlighted by a lurid red glare. She was still lost in thought when it ended and everyone else waited on her.

"So, aside from confirming that Cerberus really has turned into something from some movie maker's overactive imagination, please tell me you were able to get something off their systems."

None of the five said anything as they looked at one another. Obviously they'd told Garrus and Vega the day before judging by the expressions of the two men. That none of them wanted to tell her what it was they found was just irritating. Which was reflected in her voice as she snapped, "Look, I may have been out of the loop for a few years, but that hasn't made me a complete weakling."

Garrus shifted uneasily, "It's not that at all. It's who it involves."

"Then let's get it over with."

Alan didn't say anything to EDI, instead he grimly activated his omni-tool to show the data they found. That was bad. It took a lot to make that particular jokester to get that serious. A very fuzzy video clip began to play.

A Cerberus trooper, with no helmet showing how horribly he'd been ravaged by the effects of the tech that had been shoved into him, approached a man that could only be seen from the back. There was no sound except static as the trooper handed the man a data pad. Whatever was on there seemed to upset the man as he flung the data pad to the side, then turned around with flares of biotic power coming to life around his hands.

The man was all too familiar. Friend, brother-in-arms, lover. Former friend, brother-in-arms, lover. Fucking treacherous liar.

Kaidan Alenko.

Fury beyond description filled her and it took all of her formidable will not to grab the conference table in front of her and fling it across the room. Only Garrus had the courage to reach out to her, but she shied from his touch for the moment, not trusting her fragile control. Breathing heavily in the effort of maintaining said control, she asked harshly, "Is there anyway to tell how old that is?"

It was EDI who answered, "If the system wasn't completely corrupted, I place it a couple of months ago."

"If all of you will forgive me, we're going to take a break and meet back in an hour."

There were cautious nods as she got to her feet and made her way out into the hall where she had to pause for a moment to remember where she wanted to go. Behind her she could hear a quiet discussion, but not what was being said. Too pissed off to want anyone's sympathy, she made her way briskly to a place she knew she could work off some steam.

An hour later, pleasantly achy all over, and steadfastly ignoring the screaming in her stomach, she returned to the conference room freshly showered and in a clean uniform. Cass was still angry, but not mindlessly so after spending time in the exercise room where it had been safe to rip things apart. Sometimes without using her powers.

Memory had joined the group when she came back in, but otherwise she wondered if any of them had moved. The worry in Garrus's eyes tore at her, but that was something to be dealt with privately. Sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she said, "Thank you for your patience everyone."

James shrugged, "I've seen your temper, Shepard, I'd rather you go burn it off somewhere else. For a moment there I thought you were gonna shred the table."

Not sure what to say, Cass rubbed the back of her head. He sighed, "Yeah, thought so." Then he shoved a mug at her, "Have some fresh coffee."

"Thanks, James." She sipped, then sighed herself, "All right. Now that I've gotten over my temper tantrum, what else do we have?"

"If you'll forgive me for being so bold, Shepard," Griff said eying her cautiously, "But if someone I cared about got involved with those freaks, I'd be upset too."

Rubbing the rim of her mug, she sighed, "To be fair, I did work with them to stop the Collectors. Though I probably spent as much time shutting down their sick experiments that I did dealing with the Collectors."

"Perhaps more," EDI interjected, "Judging by some of the very unhappy conversations between Miranda and the Illusive Man."

Vega looked at her thoughtfully, "I bet you're pissed off after all the shit he heaped on you about working with them." He shifted uncomfortably, "And I'm wondering about some of the intel he gave us now that he said had been from different sources."

"What do you mean?" She really didn't like where it seemed to be heading.

He squirmed some more, "I'm probably violating all sorts regs, but screw 'em. 'Specially after what they did to you." He scowled furiously, "He'd given us intel about atrocities that you supposedly committed. It wasn't just the Balak system going up that made them haul you in as a warm criminal. It was what we got from Alenko to."

Sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Cass tried to ignore the way it felt like the blood rushed out her head. Very faintly she said, "Atrocities."

"Yeah. And no, I'm not gonna tell you the details. You're pissed off enough as it is."

Cass nodded feeling numb, "I just don't get what game he's playing at." Then she shook her head, "Well, I guess this is all the more reason to go see the Council."

Idly running a finger around the rim of her mug, she shook her head, "Let's see the video again, EDI. This time slowed down, something about that background seemed familiar. And I'm assuming that it isn't the same base as the one here?"

"That is correct, Shepard."

Focusing on the background, wondering what it was that caught her attention, she could feel the others studying her the way she was studying the video. What was it that bothered her so? It more than the fact it was a Cerberus facility since most of them had similar layouts and equipment. She watched the video a couple of times before her consciousness caught what twigged her subconscious.

"Wait, can you pause and magnify that part?" She gestured to portion of the image just past the trooper's shoulder.

EDI didn't bother trying to hide her doubt, "I'll see what I can do."

It was fuzzy, but at the same time it might...

Memory finally spoke for the first time, confusion in his voice, "It appears to be an image of a human skull."

"Yeah, it does." Damn, she was really hoping she'd been wrong. Probably was, since it seemed most of the Cerberus facilities did some sort of work on humans. Willing or not. "And there's no other files that you were able to get?"

"There are other partial video clips." EDI said slowly, "I didn't believe they were linked, but I will see if any of them match in some fashion."

They were all silent as EDI did her search. "There is a possible match."

A new image came up, a room in disarray from heavy blast and fire damage, but oh how she recognized it. Even if the monitors were badly melted and the images were warped and blurred by static. There was enough there though for to recognize the place, even if it was almost five years ago now.

"Shepard?" Garrus asked quietly.

"Looks like we need to make a side trip to see Miranda after the Counsel then." She slanted her gaze towards the console EDI was using, "Unless you recognize the place also and know how to get there."

"I'm sorry, Cassandra, but other than identifying it as likely being a Cerberus research station, I don't have any specific details on it. But you think you recognize it?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do. And I'm hoping I'm wrong." She stared at the images for a long moment. "I think it might be Lazarus Station, where Miranda brought me back to life."


	8. A Start to Understanding

"Lazarus station. Huh," Vega commented thoughtfully, "Well, considering that business with that bitchy duplicate of yours, we should've known it was still around."

Boomer's face screwed up in comic disbelief, "Duplicate? You mean a clone? Of Shepard?"

Cass could feel the scowl beginning to return in force. That was an incident in her life she tried not to dwell on. The woman may have had her face and DNA, but they weren't the same, but... But the truth was if the situation had been reversed, she might have acted out the same way.

Garrus nodded, ignoring the growing bit of temper, "Yep, an evil one no less."

Now she did growl, "She wasn't evil, just pissed off about the situation."

Vega and Vakarian exchanged looks. Her scowl deepened, "Well how would you feel if you woke up in some glorified freezer and found out that you were meant to be spare parts for someone else?"

No one answered except Memory who asked, "It did not have your memories?"

"No, she didn't."

An awkward silence fell, like it always did when the subject came up. None of them, even Garrus, could understand what it was like to look into your own eyes and see another mind and soul there. One that hated you for what you were, yet yearned for it because that soul wasn't complete in some way. Then to see the emptiness of despair before the other woman let go of her hand to fall to her death.

Cass had seen that emptiness in her own eyes more than once when looking in a mirror the past three years.

Mentally shaking herself so she didn't remember what she tried to do when the emptiness became too much, Cass crisply asked, "So any other questions or issues?"

Once again it was Memory who spoke, "There is a private matter I would like to discuss with you when you have a moment, Shepard."

Well, that she didn't expect, but she saw no reason not to continue her open door policy with her crew. "All right, if it's okay with you, we'll talk here after the meeting is done."

"That is quite acceptable, thank you."

She looked around, "Anyone else? No? Right then. I want someone to notify Joker to start heading to the Citadel." Shepard was rather pleased at how easily she said that considering how her guts just shriveled at the thought. "I want someone else to get in touch with Miranda to make arrangements to get the location of the station. If there's a secure enough channel, get it that way. If not, we'll figure out a place to meet. Ideally the Citadel, but I'm aware that may not be practical."

James got to his feet before the rest of the group, "I'll talk with Joker. Vakarian, I'll leave you to Miranda's tender mercies."

"She likes you more than me," Garrus jokingly protested, "So why do I have to be the one to get in touch with her?"

Vega grumbled, "Yeah, that's exactly why I'm leaving it to you."

Cass shook her head with a faint smile. It was almost like all that time hadn't gone by.

Except she didn't miss how they watched her, especially those who had known her the longest. It wasn't quite like the time she'd gotten spaced then dragged back to living, but it was close too it.

As the door closed behind them, Boomer said, "Well, I could always do it."

The "NO" that erupted in unison from more than just two voices brought the grin back. She could well imagine Miranda's reaction to Alan's idea of asking for information nicely. Messy was an understatement.

Then the smile faded as she turned her attention to one of her newer crew members, "Thank you for your patience, Memory."

"It is not a problem, Shepard. I have grown used to how they use banter to communicate."

She nodded, "Anyway, what did you want to talk about?"

"It is a request on the behalf of my people." He paused, "To be precise, it is a request from the full consensus of all the Geth."

Oh this wasn't good. "Go on."

"We wish to record your mind."

What the fuck? "Excuse me, you want to, to, clone my mind or something?"

With an earnest head bob he said, "In a manner of speaking, yes."

Feeling more than a little wierded out, she asked, "Why?"

"We want to learn from you. You mind is not just incredibly strong and resilient, it is open to both new ideas, as well as new ways of thinking."

Rubbing the back of her neck, she tried to understand what they thought they could learn from her. Wouldn't it be the other way around? A good number of his people were at least three hundred years old, possibly older. "I'm not exactly sure what you think you could learn from me. I'm just a soldier, a damn good one if I may say so, but I'm not exactly what an entire race of people would want to learn from."

Memory leaned forward the way an organic humanoid would to convey earnestness. "Yes, Cassandra Shepard, you are a soldier, but one who has always tried to use peaceful resolutions first. But more than that, you have proven to have an open and flexible mind that can adapt to those of other species."

Very slowly she said, "You're talking about the two times I've...interfaced with the Geth."

"Yes."

Cass leaned back in her seat to think that over. Liara had been the first to say something similar when she was helping her get adapted to the Prothean Cipher. Over the years, others said the same, the creepiest being the now departed Leviathan. At least the Geth weren't intended to make a slave of her. Or her copy. She hoped. "First, what exactly are your intentions for this...copy? I have a lot of secrets, not just Alliance and Council, that I would really prefer to keep to myself and somehow I've got the feeling you can't separate things like that."

The Geth's head bobbed, "An understandable concern, Captain, as well as a correct assumption. However, we are not interested in your secrets. Your people have a saying about seeing life through another person's eyes."

Okay, that was more than creepy. At a total loss for words, she just looked at him as she tried to figure a diplomatic reply. If there was one.

Memory made a chagrined sound, "Perhaps not the best phrase."

"Yeah, just a bit." She rubbed her forehead trying to figure out a compromise, then inspiration hit, "What about the memory shard that Javik gave me? I've already got a few things saved on it, I can probably do more."

"A generous offer, but no one else has been able to use them. Not even those called the Awakened Collectors."

Cass had to suppress her desire to twitch. She'd heard about Collectors that had supposedly broken free of the Reapers, but after seeing what they'd done to human colonies, she had a hard time overcoming her... dislike of the creatures. Instead, she focused on what Memory said. Frowning a little, she asked, "No one? But I thought by now someone would have..."

She trailed off at the way the Geth tilted his head at her. "It's the Cipher again, isn't it?"

"That is unknown. Javik did not tell you how the shard worked?"

She shrugged, "He did. It was the same technology as their beacons, which worked with their ability to pass on information through touch."

"It was proven that you were able to communicate with Javik that way when he didn't with anyone else."

"I don't think he even attempted to try with anyone else. He had issues with us primitive creatures."

"Perhaps, but you haven't been able to pass on the Cipher to anyone else, even Doctor T'soni."

He had her there. Even though she and Liara had tried to work it out, since really the Asari was the best one for that kind of knowledge, Liara was left with a blinding headache. Even Shiala lost the knowledge she'd gotten from the Thorian, despite the other lingering side effects from the time she was the creature's thrall.

While she didn't have the recurring visions she used to have, Cass could still easily recall them if she needed to. Not just that, but if there was active Prothean technology, she could still understand that strange communication via touch.

With those thoughts passing through her mind, she very cautiously said, "Yes, that's true."

"And that is why we want to learn from you."

More than a little exasperated, she said, "Memory..."

"You are not aware of what you are, Cassandra Shepard. You are more than a soldier who seeks peace. Your mind can touch others that would be alien to you and you understand them with no harm to either party."

Remembering the incredible headache and nosebleed from her first encounter with Leviathan, Cass wasn't so sure about that. "Maybe that's unusual for humans, but the Asari have been doing it for millenia. Even if they couldn't learn the Cipher."

"They have not had any success with communing with my people. Unlike you, Shepard."

A thousand different protests flickered through her mind, "I suppose you have a point, Memory, but I can't say that no one came to harm."

"Not directly from connecting to your mind."

She eyed him more than a little warily, "Since I have a feeling you'll have a counter argument for every one I come up with, let me just say I'll think about it."

Memory bowed his head, "Thank you, Shepard, that is all we can ask."

Cass nodded, "Now, unless there's anything else, I'm going to go see what they've done to my ship this time."

"Should you be resting per the doctor?"

She couldn't hide her dismay, even Memory was joining the group of mother hens? There was an odd noise from him that took her a moment to realize he was laughing. The sound warmed her heart. Perhaps they were closer to understanding one another than anyone realized. Smiling in return, she replied, "I promise to take it easy."

The AI was silent for a moment then spoke in a tone that said volumes, "Good."

"I'll see you later, Memory," Shepard said as she got to her feet and headed out the door.

And couldn't help but wonder what the galaxy was coming to when a Geth of all people was concerned about her health?


	9. The More Things Change

"You know, I could have sworn that I heard Chakwas tell you that you're supposed to be on light duty," Garrus idly commented as he entered the room.

Without looking away from where she was snapping in the connector of the new punching bag to the chain hanging down from the ceiling, Cass replied, "I am."

There was silence as he stared at her finishing up her self appointed task before dubiously saying, "Uh huh."

"I am," she said a little defensively, then stepping down from her improvised step stool so she was out of reach of the bag, Cass held out a hand to perform a light tugging motion with her fingers. A faint glow surrounded her and her target causing the bag to gently lift up in the air, then swing back down as the glow faded. Only then did she turn to face the battered sniper who in turn was thoughtfully studying the lightly rocking bag.

Starting to feel annoyed, Shepard said a little bitingly, "You're acting like you've never seen me use my biotics before."

He hrrmmed to himself before shrugging and saying, "Not with that kind of delicacy."

The annoyance faded. This time unable to look at him, she looked to see if any more of her mess remained as she quietly said, "I learned about being subtle these past few years."

Garrus studied her, "You've always known subtlety, Cass, it's just that circumstances usually forced your hand to do otherwise. What did Memory say that bothered you so much?"

"No, it's not Memory's request. That was just...weird. And a little creepy. But that's nothing new, right?," she said with a rueful smile.

Being careful not to show that how sore she was feeling, Cass sat down on a nearby bench as Garrus shook his head at her. "Right, creepy and weird is the type of thing you've ended up specializing in. So what is it then?"

She leaned forward a little, resting her elbows on her thighs with her hands clasped and rested her chin on them. Still not able to meet his eyes, she said, "I'm trying to figure out how to apologize to you."

"I'm almost afraid to know why you feel the need to do so."

Casting a sideways glance, she saw him lean against the wall to study her again before saying, "It has to do with the whole mess with Sidonis."

His mandibles flared out a little in confusion, "I can't imagine what you'd have to apologize for that. You were quite right to keep me from killing him. I would've regretted it as soon as I shot him."

"I also seem to remember telling you that I wouldn't have let that kind of betrayal change me."

"Oh Cass," he said sadly, but didn't say anything else as he watched her for a moment before settling down next to her. "Let me ask you something."

Curious and wary at the same time, she nodded, "Go for it."

"If Alenko was in front of you right now, what would you do? And don't think about it, either."

When she started to think it over anyway, he waggled a finger at her, "Ah, ah, I said don't think about it."

She shrugged, "All right. Fine. Put his sorry ass in chains and haul him in front of the Council. And hope that the new Asari councilor can flay him alive with her biotics."

"Aren't you worried about his biotics?"

"No, because I've proven I'm far stronger than he is. I don't know if it was dying and being rebuilt, or the various augmentations that got stuffed into me from Mordin's research, but there you go. Plus, I can move a lot faster."

He started to laugh at her response. Oddly enough his laughter felt like a balm to her wounded soul. When Garrus caught his breath, he lightly patted her on the shoulder, "Yeah, you haven't changed a bit, Shepard."

This time she couldn't help but stare at him which earned her an impressively toothy grin, "Cass, I don't think I've ever heard of you just killing someone out of cold blood. You always gave a warning before shooting someone."

Shepard thought that over then she shrugged again, "There was that krogan from Clan Weyrloc. Then again, I didn't shoot him directly."

"Nope, doesn't count, even though explosion was pretty impressive. You told him to turn over the Salarian before you did something he'd regret. Hell, you even gave that slime Saleon a fighting chance back when we were hunting Saren."

Now irritated, she scowled, "I'm sure you didn't come by here to deal with my...issues."

He leaned back against the wall, crossed his arms and gave her a reproachful look, "You are my friend. After everything you've done for me alone, not to mention everyone else, I think you're entitled to asking for help."

Despite how she felt, Cass couldn't help a bit of weak laughter, "Garrus, every time I asked you for help, you ended up pretty much going into hell with me."

"Truuue, but we did come out each time. Granted, with a few more scars and maybe not together this last time, but we did get out. But in a way you're right, besides coming to yell at you for not listening to Chakwas's orders," He held up a finger again before she could protest. "We both know you were probably overdoing it, regardless of your fancy biotic ways."

Cass couldn't help but grin a little sheepishly. Pale eyes dancing with amusement, Garrus resumed, "So, I spoke with Miranda, she said that she can be at the Citadel in about two to three days."

"Good to know that Ceberus didn't sever the comm buoy after all."

"Oh, there's been some advances in communications thanks to what was left over from the Reapers, as well advances in the quantum entanglement communication technology. I admit I don't really get most of it. You could ask Traynor, but she can be worse than Donnelly with the jargon."

"Yeah, I'll pass on that. Good to know we can still keep in touch where we have to," she said then scrubbed her face for a moment, "I'm surprised the Council didn't demand to speak with me already."

"Oh no, some things need to be face to face in person."

Considering what her mother likely had to say, Cass had to concede he had a point. More than a little resignedly, she said, "Of course,"

When he gave her that shifty look, she sighed, "What aren't you saying?"

"Let's just say I want to see their faces when you come before them."

Cass stared at him for a moment, "You...you haven't told them?"

"Just your mom, I figured she had a right to know first for the obvious reasons. She asked me to hold off on a formal report until she saw you first."

Dear God, her mother and Garrus plotting together, that was a little unnerving. Then Shepard eyed him warily, "And you haven't told the Alliance either?"

"Nope. Number one, they don't deserve to be told right away after what they did to you. Number two, I don't answer to them. Before you say anything, I do answer to the Council and I did notify a member who wished for a slight delay before telling the rest."

Shaking her head slowly, she replied, "Okay, I know better than to argue with you about that. Anything else?"

"Welll, I figured I'd escort you around the ship to reassure you she's still in good shape."

"You sound like there's more than that."

He grinned, "Just a bit, I overheard some planning going on. Apparently some of our female crew really don't like how you let your appearance go, so they're planning on, oh what was the comment again? Something involving "the girls". Sometime this afternoon once they can beard you in your den."

Her face contorted in horror at the thought. She wasn't the girly type. At all. She and Miranda had established that with that amusingly disastrous "girls night out" to the casino near Anderson's old apartment. Garrus started to actually howl with laughter hard enough to fall off the bench after taking in her expression. This time she lightly poked at him with the toe of her boot, "Hey now, it's not that funny."

The bastard wheezed, "Oh, but it is. Your face!" He continued to laugh himself silly.

Shaking her head, Cass waited patiently for him to regain control. Sniffing a little, he said, "That kind of hurts now, but it felt good to laugh like that."

"I'm glad that I was able to provide the cheap entertainment again," she replied with feigned annoyance. Damn, it was good to have Vakarian back. And so very hard to believe that he was actually alive. That was still going to take some time.

He sat up, rested an elbow on the bench and used that hand to prop his chin up, his expression sober as he studied her again. Trying to keep from getting morbid again, she gave him a weak grin, "You were joking about the girls thing, right?"

"Nope, EDI may have a dry sense of humor, but that's something she wouldn't joke about."

"I don't know about that, you weren't the one who got a victory ring to start off an elaborate joke."

"There is that, but when EDI says something is going to be a good learning experience, she usually isn't joking."

"God help me," Cass muttered as she dropped her face into her hands.

Garrus grunted slightly as he got to his feet and patted her shoulder, "There, there, it shouldn't be too bad. I'm pretty sure its safe to say that they'd be upset if they knew the idea bothered you and they just want reconnect in a better way than yesterday."

He sat back down next to her, "I think what really is bothering you is whatever Memory's request was. Besides the whole spending three years believing some terrible lies."

If she couldn't tell Garrus, who could she tell? So she gave him a concise summary. As had always been his way, he listened in silence, when she finished, his mandibles flared out with a slight hiss of breath, but he didn't say anything right away. When he finally did speak, he did so slowly as if still feeling his way through his thoughts, "That's...quite a request."

"Yeah, I told him I'd think about it." She ran her hand over her mouth for a moment, "Can I confess to a moment of selfishness?"

"You? Selfish?" he asked, looking startled. "This should be interesting."

Very quietly she said, "When he asked me...all I could think was 'Here's the means for people to keep dragging me back to solve their problems'." Looking away she continued, "Like I said, selfish and more than a little petty."

The compassion that warmed his voice almost undid her, "Not at all. Though I'll admit to being surprised that you'd be afraid of such a thing."

"Please don't tell another soul, especially Liara... The truth is... I don't remember much about being dead, but I do remember being at peace."

Finally she dared to look at him and the shock she saw made her look away, "And Cerberus dragged me back into hell."

"Spirits, Shepard, I had no idea," he whispered.

Cass shook her head, "I always intended that I would never tell anyone, not after how happy you all were to see me. Don't get me wrong, I was happy to meet up with everyone again, but a small part of me always resented being dragged back to life." She absently rubbed her left shoulder, "Shit, we've only been back together less than a day and I'm already dumping on you. I'm sorry, Garrus."

He just shook his head, "I'm not going to dignify that last comment with a response. As for the first one, I'll admit I've always wondered just a little at how happy you really were to be brought back. You were just dropped into the pot with the Collectors. Then with how quickly the Reapers showed up..."

"Yeah, anyway, enough of that for now. I've spent too much time wallowing as it is. I believe you said something about a tour of my ship?"

"Oh, you're not going to wiggle your way out of this that easily, Cass. I wouldn't call it wallowing, I would call it trying to recover from some horrific injuries. You'd been under an unimaginable amount of strain for months while you were playing Galactic Peacemaker to stop the invasion of what could only be described as an ancient evil. Then when you needed peace and quiet the most for your physical wounds, not to mention whatever was going on in your head, then got kicked while you were down by the very people who should have been looking out for you. And you call that wallowing? Spirits, once again I don't know how you kept it together."

She couldn't hold back the truth which made her voice harsh, "I can't call it holding together. There were so many nights I held a gun to my head, but I just couldn't pull the trigger. Drugs and alcohol didn't work. I even tried some rincol and all that did was make me sick for a week. And now to find out that it was all from a bunch of lies..."

Garrus didn't say anything, just gently, but firmly pulled her into a hug. Despite herself, Cassandra Shepard found herself quietly crying out all of the pain and grief, even anger, that had kept her running for three years, even though she tried not to. Once the tears dried up, he handed her a towel and asked quietly, "Better?"

After clearing her throat a little, she said hoarsely, "A little, thank you."

"Anytime."

Feeling a little embarrassed at her meltdown, though a tiny sliver admitted she needed it, Cass leaned against Garrus and smiled when he dropped his arm around her shoulder. They sat together in companionable silence for a time. It was an old and familiar gesture from their time hunting the Collectors. And not infrequently during the Invasion when he found her brooding in front of the Normandy's memorial wall in the middle of the night.

They both needed the support during that, and Alenko wasn't always there for her when she needed him. She refused to think about that little warning sign again.

Without moving, Garrus broke the quiet, "So I guess you'll actually think over the request Memory made on the behalf of his people?"

She frowned up at him, "Of course, I told him so, didn't I? Since when did I tell a member of my crew I would do something and not do it?"

"Then in that case, I have a request for you."

Curious, she asked, "What is it?"

"Try to enjoy the girls thing for yourself, not just for their sake, but yourself. And don't say we had a party yesterday. I've seen your idea of a party, yesterday was far too tame."

As he smirked at her, she couldn't help but smile back. He knew her far too well. Garrus abruptly got to his feet then offered her a hand up, "We should probably start on that tour before the betting pool goes any crazier."

"Do I want to know?"

"Probably not. It involves Vega and Boomer."

"You're right, I don't want to know."

They left the weight room laughing. Cass ignored the passing crewman's look of surprise then sudden smile. Maybe she should get in that betting pool after all.


End file.
